it looked a reflection of our ministry's direction
we set out with a vision of a promised land:
somewhere the leaders knew
but those who followed did not
a land overflowing with milk and honey
err i mean great wind and scenery
nevertheless, everyone followed
covering the rear as last man,
there were some noisy deraileurs and gears
because there was a misalignment
of a few bike chains
it took a desire from me to smooth out their ride
and a willingness of theirs to listen
and together, we ironed out their kinks
and were on our way
heading towards destination
on the path of least resistance
along the way
rain threatened to, well, rain on our parade
we took several pit stops
surveyed the weather
and saw that the dark clouds were catching up on us
instead of hiding and being caught in the rain,
we pressed on towards the plan set before us
to bring everyone out of the impending storm
(it didnt rain btw, but not the point!)
we didn't reach the promised land either
but we were out of the rain
and within striking distance of the place
as pierre de coubertin put it:
"the essential thing is not to have conquered
but to have fought well"
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
12:26 AM
today i watched kasi run his swansong 5k
and the image wound the clock back a few years
if i could, i would have ordered the entire current acx down
to watch him run
im so proud of kasi
even though like he didnt get top3 or top8 or anything
he really really fought
the race was started badly
but he never gave up
even though there was nothing to fight for
kasi sped up at the most painful parts of the 5k
and ran with a beautiful form
i guess not everyone could have spotted it
but these few months with kasi
i found that though he had weak will
he had the strongest mentality
and he went for it even though it was always out of his reach
he's the only one left in acx with the fire in his eyes
today kasi translated that into sheer willpower
and truly it was soul to sole
its just too bad he had nothing to show for it
but im really really damn proud of my vice captain
watching him run gave me goosebumps today
and i felt really inspired watching my kasi run
go kasi
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
9:45 PM
for those of you who haven't been updated
i've finally gotten off my butt, got a job:
i'm assistant coach for acx back in sch
to answer the usual preceding question,
i'm being paid well enough
but by session instead of by the hour
4 times a week, roughly 3 hours a session
these next few days however
is the sch's track&field meet
and like today
i'll be working like 5-6 hours
and will still be getting paid by the session
but i really don't mind one bit
cuz i really love my job
and it really anchors the conviction
that i must do something i enjoy in the future
i think the team is shaping up really well
much better than my initial thoughts before i saw the guys
and it took me back to when i was in their position
thumping the track, forcing out 3:18s
remembered how it was like to believe in the impossible
and, together with my team, my brothers
rendered it possible
my job now is to bring that back
because the boys already have what it takes
but don't know that they do
if they would just believe
"the bell will ring for he who believes"
it's not that hard
because i do believe in them
i love my job
Sunday, January 31, 2010
2:49 AM
i started off friday the usual way
i overslept the lunch i was supposed to have with melvin in school
but nonetheless made it down to have my $2 magi add vege at around 2pm
first teacher i bumped into was ong siu lian
the one whose veins pops out when she carries an empty paper bag
simple hi, bye
i remembered how she was so excited
when she saw me join the chinese karaoke competition in year 6
cos she knew for sure i was gonna sing something from out of her generation
then there was terence chiew
much skinnier than the last time i saw him
he looked like a stickman
as usual he recounted to us about his sporting adventures
this time a 333km track across some desert
the usual parting shot for a teacher meeting old students might sound like
"all right guys, wish you all the best!"
very thiru sounding
i can still picture her merlion-ing politically correct comments
but of course, this was terence chiew
"i really appeared on the news! go google 'newpaper terence chiew' "
at this juncture i went to the irreplacable sac
had my noodles
and for nostalgia's sake
had 50 cents ribena, milo peng and blueberry tart
although i bemoan the shrinking size of the ribena cup
i must commend the apparent R&D that they did on the tart
we went to visit our pioneer batch mural after that
i looked for the little note that i scribbled on that board 3 years back
took in the pointlessness of that little sentence
and found comfort in that i haven't changed much
"If you notice this notice, you'll notice that this notice isn't worth noticing at all"
i went separate ways from melvin and gang thereafter
and spent the next hour sitting and gazing in the sac
greeted teachers who no longer recognized me
bought food from vendors who pointed me out straightaway
looked around at tables and replaced the strangers
with images of those i knew
i saw again the poster of !nk
and was surprised to see karen liau's name on it
so the mighty prefect mistress is back
i wondered if she remembered me
i wondered if she remembered me if not for my surname
i realised i wasn't bothered enough to find out
so i went away and walked
i walked down the corridors and alleys
retraced the familiar routes that i used to take
walked past the b3 classrooms
remembered one valentine's day
when i put that present that took me 9 hours to make in the locker
and made it supremely sandy
i descended the spiral staircase
remembering always to look out for shadows of those coming up
i arrived at the teacher's office
wondered if i wanted to see anyone
wondered if anyone wanted to see me
and like all those times back in school
i turned and walked the other corridors and alleys
i walked past the newly refurbished library
and remembered the cosy, dim library of old
remembered how everyone abused the computers in there
remembered how i always pretended to study in there
i walked to the track via the small path by the library
remembered my 3rd ankle sprain
remembered the deep breaths i always took
as i left the books
and hit the track
i walked past the basketball courts
and tried to wonder something
but it left me as i thought
so i walked again, to the track
i sat at the steps leading up to the boarding school
facing the track
and half-watched the rugby game that went on
i remembered the cheering committee
remembered the last rugby game i watched in uniform
i saw some ruggers sprinting with parachutes for training
thought to myself
"that's not the way to run"
and felt a sensation course through my veins
and saw myself sprinting down the track
black top, red spikes
dark sky, red track
i watched as i rounded the bend
i remembered to swing my right arm more
i felt the tapping on the balls of my feet
i felt the spikes dig into the track
and then i felt the run
i walked back to the main building again
i walked, wondering what i was wandering for
i realised i was looking for something
but couldn't really place it
i came to the circular classroom
remembered the hours feng and i put into the prom dance
i walked some more
and realised i was looking for someone
but i couldn't tell who
i looked down the ib building
saw the pond and remembered fabian the catfish
remembered poking fabian
remembered playing frisbee there
when we were supposed to study
i walked around more
hoping to see someone
i wondered who that was
was it dear old oldham?
i realised i wasn't finding out
so i left
and spontaneously,
like always,
spontaneously,
i went to cut my hair
Sunday, December 06, 2009
11:39 PM
A few days back I wanted to go for a run. Crossing the stream that runs outside my house, I noticed from the corner of my eye a little birdie swimming towards me. Upon closer inspection, I realised that it was struggling quite abit. I scooped it out of the water, and it trembled in my hands. I could tell it was trying to flee, but lacked the strength to do so. Its feet tried clawing at my hands as i laid it down on my house patio. I left it there for it to dry, thinking it might fly away after that, so I went to run.
Coming back from my run, I realised the little bird creature had snuck under the table, hidden among the table cloth. I fed it some ikan bilis and left it there. After a while I decided to pat the little thing, but it shirked away and shrieked at me.
Suddenly God spoke to my heart.
I scooped you up from the raging depths and gave you life. I cared for you and provided for your needs. I wanted but to touch you, yet you withheld yourself from my hand and cried out against me.
The bird hopped out from under the table and peered at me. The past 2 months have been an awakening for me; I have never heard my God speak so clearly to me. I have been called for a time such as this, but I remained apprehensive. I looked at the little creature and thought about everything that has happened - two entire months of coincidences, of very focused coincidences. I named the little thing Trust.
I watched Trust hop towards a little corner where it looked really comfortable.
Slowly, Trust sat down on its legs. I watched as its little claws came together and its little feet joined, like in prayer.
So I prayed along and realised that finally, God, I really believe, and I know how to trust.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
10:44 PM
oh nose! i forgot to jump at 090909, 090909! that would have made me not of this earth at that moment
anw CHAI CHEE BAK CHOR MEE IS BACCKKKK oh my blue son
when it disappeared i was like :'( i tot they went for good but but but they just moved next door only! now revamp until v atas got set meal, got theme and they added a slice of abalone into the noodles GAHHHH
Monday, September 07, 2009
6:34 PM
i'm running safsa cross next month so for this month boss give offs every 1, 3, 5 go macs run run
today sit on the bus looked out the window and stoned such a familiar feeling a humming in my legs and the sizzling in my butt
i've run again
Sunday, August 09, 2009
1:41 PM
it's a glorious sunday afternoon to spend in camp i've resorted to blogging to while my time away so far i've read 4 newspapers, beat my high score at bubble spinner come close to my word challenge high score many times checked on the guards taken 45mins to eat my measly lunch picked up single items from my office on multiple trips
so far i've succeeded in burning 5 hours about 19 more to go i'll try to give 12 of those to sleep at random instances and at random places
i've ran out of newspapers my eyes are drying up from staring at this screen and im tired of both standing and sitting
at least if it stays this way till tomorrow morning i can relax and grow more brain of which of course i already have in abundance but more wouldnt hurt my chances at breaking my word challenge high score
`tis my first time doing a weekend one there's nobody in camp ghost maybe have
think i have a bbq at home later which i wont be at cuz im stuck down here hoping nothing happens till i hand over
lets see if i werent here i'd probably take a rare walk down orchard road then i'll linger around orchard boulevard at the right time then when the clock strikes 8:22pm i'd come to attention and recite the national pledge there and then
by the time i reach this sentence i'd have read the above at least 8 times for whatever reason i cannot tell except to inspire myself to type more and waste away another 10mins
i cant believe it takes weekend duty to finally get myself to blog longer than 3 sms length
from now till tomorrow i think i'll take a few long long showers play abit of pool ALONE play alot of word challenge and bubble spinner re-re-re-read maybe a quarter of the bible blog a few entries do many chin ups sleep at random instances at random places oh man i got nothing left to type
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
9:56 PM
my mc finito alr veh sad tomorrow must go work at least its wednesday alr then maybe thursday take off friday as good as a half day and friday got IHAL echo! heh just got the sms on that v good v good
i wld release i is got many at IHAL echo but nowsaday no rehearsals v hard to have any inspiration everything at work all so monotone no laife! just now stare at the script many many but nothing nothing come out
in other news i havent been running enough and probably cant run till end of the week or smtg which will be duty day then rest next day then it'll be too late to train alr oh mans gahh i don wanna run 21
Sunday, July 19, 2009
11:57 PM
today i learned that Jason Mraz's I'm Yours is not conducive to gek sai-ing
Friday, July 17, 2009
8:51 PM
THERE'S SPONGEBOB MARATHON NOWWW i watched like 8 episodes alr so exciting can
but im too tired to carry on quite sad but too bad
anw my dad saw the word spongebob on the top right hand corner of the tv then he asked in chinese if it was SPONGEBOB or SPONGE808 like sponge ba ling ba haha quite funny
Sunday, July 12, 2009
1:43 PM
recently lta leoel's officer sword kena oxidise so if one day need to use for parade he really eat energy so now i cleaning my one oso need to oil it some time
wiping the blade with one of my shirts i wondered abt the meaning of the sword how come saf spend money every batch to give each officer an engraved sword
i heard in older, less tactical times like before a battle started the officers will draw their swords then raise it at the enemy then the men will charge
of course in 3G battles nowadays the sword will b super in the way it'd be shiny, noisy, cumbersome and of course, when we sit on the field chair the sword will very din teh
but nowsdays officers don seem to be held in such regard anymore esp with so many nsf 2lt like me got no men to command need to rapport with other ppl's men to get work done then in the end become more like friend at most they get awed at how fit u are or how much pay u get each month but that's really about it
the officer nowsaday to me ah abit less of prestige abit less of honor abit less of carrying your platoon on ur shoulders but more of doing work more of troubleshooters more of doing cover work
in a way is closer to the office part of officer then where come the operational side? go war got knowledge, got planning, got thinking is good but no c2, no mandate is how?? this is cannor! but is liddat
12:14 AM
snail! i saw it somewhere outside my house so i went home and despite my tiredness got a spoon of salt and went out to melt the snail got the squeaky squeaky sound dunno is snail melting sound or snail screaming sound
i'm still a boy ns havent make me boy to man yet
Friday, July 10, 2009
11:55 PM
eh i think the iHAL WDS (wiff drawer simpsoms) got huge effect on me i anyhowly blog only then all the lines come out in that last entry
then today i caught a sight of myself in a mirror somewhere in camp then i realised my officer seh gone! i was standing on one leg, shaking the other hands on my hips, elbows back head cocked to one side dunno look like what you is know?
Thursday, July 09, 2009
10:28 PM
eh reading my recent entries realised all bleak bleak one not like last time when this blog still flourishing see la nong nong a time ago alr say sad sad emo emo is no one will come but still got those ppl out there thick eye shadow with face-covering fringe
but anws now gonna ord must start picking up the hweeling again
as a matter in fact i started counting down alr today shld be 70+ workdays left including saturdays a few more offs here and there and vua la, what is it we have here? oooo ord personnel, i see
then i also started getting fitter ran my 16k v v fastly today! but im not gonna get any bigger until at least after ahm otherwise i will die, reanimate, then kena exorcise
Sunday, June 28, 2009
9:27 PM
Saturday night was the finale of I Have A Lot I'm having withdrawal symptoms
At the drawing of the curtains I went around looking if anyone needed comforting offering in jest the mummy cloth for tears maybe a shoulder to cry on
turns out i needed some comforting myself when i got home i started to cry wimper even like how i felt 2 years back that last race, those last runs, my last 3:18
in fact, on the 2nd week of july i realised this was gonna end and i cherished every rehearsal every bit and inch of I Have A Lot i looked forward to practice after work i lingered on after rehearsals i took in everyone, took in the colors we brought to the dull looking space outside LT1
i wish i could do more for this group of ppl and so i did I Is Got Many
i'm also very thankful i didnt fit leslie and landed the johnny job instead it's not that i played johnny well but more because johnny was a part of me way back during the happiest period of my life i loved playing johnny and in this God spoke and taught me so many things i will always remember johnny now
i still say my lines when i shower and now i spend a little more time washing off the tears it was such a wonderful thing that God did i can't bear to see it end like this heaven must feel at least like this
serving God is exhilirating i want to serve God all my life
Friday, June 12, 2009
2:32 PM
my body is aching in various parts some of which i never knew existed they hurt when i move and i'm lovin it. lets me know im growing for those who havent seen me for a long time i've become this skinny dude small, unfit and in pixelised green running 9.03 for 2.4 at all out, salivating down my chest pace
apart from that i'm really quite tired out after work go rehearsal after rehearsal go home sleep wake up then rinse and repeat so took a half day off today would have left earlier but went to the mess to play pool now office nobody only got ghost
on another note i like my new earphones very fitting and quite clear the noise cancellation quite good also keep having ppl tap me on the shoulder cuz i really cldnt hear anything now got more personal touch at work
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
12:21 AM
equipped with the new uniform today i guess can speak abt it right since it's so widely publicized
doesnt feel as different as i thought it would i still cant feel the cool air when i blow onto it it is see through under light though
the most important thing i learnt though was in the pants some parts were designed to be anti-abrasion but others were not i guess there is some truth when i heard recruits now cannot use uniform to camo off cuz off the stitching that might scratch the face because wearing the old uniform i could do so without underpants but apparently with the new one some parts that weren't meant to get abrasions because constantly expanding and contracting parts heal slower got abrasions i must wear underpants
Sunday, May 31, 2009
12:40 AM
i was water baptised today
i used to think it was just a dunk notwithstanding all the symbolism that it was just an act, a declaration nothing more, nothing less
today walking to the pulpit sharing my life story taking the dunk
was magical very, very magical i regret not basking in it
the downside was that my mom was non-participating again and only a small group was there since they detached it from the main service meaning i couldn't share my story with more
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
10:22 PM
switch off that tv. switch off that tv! little clowns and little shades! weeping moms, scheming maids noble frowns and fancy braids and yellow sunflowers, that bumblebee!
fan me my brimstone! fear me now you opaque mirror rhyming words and further, further round and round my gypsy skips around dazed gnomes with elvish lips mine, mine, all mine!
stage a play and call me now call me home and call me kenneth call on me and i shall know i shall know that you haved called calling, calling, I'm calling now i have been called! but i have to call nothing but to call? call me home and call me kenneth
what a stage i am upon! where have all the actors gone? beyond the stars, between the moon - giggling, smirking, pointing. I laugh and they echo back or is that I that echoes back? hear me now you cheery sticks! hear my calling and my call which do i heed and whom to do I yield?
perhaps i have seen! that my call has led me to. through darkness and through night to bring them hope to bring them light in my stardust i can see but nothing, and nothing beyond me deep in the depths red eyes peep they chatter, they chatter to disturb my sleep; this sleep of mine whatever sleep this is.
i cross my arms but I lift my hands see me now, see me now for who i am.
a rubric's cube is in my hands. the myriad shifts, the spectrum goes. here i have, here i have! a jigsaw, unlikely it may be that came together! unlikely they were like. oh can't you see?
Friday, May 08, 2009
3:01 PM
my dear ran a 38.8 fever with me! same time kena the fever also then we both have sore throat headache and nausea. but i have joint pain and she's suspected to be turning into a flying pig because the swine flew
Friday, May 01, 2009
3:09 AM
i'm back from taiwan and even though there's no time difference i'm suffering from some jet lag can't get to sleep before 4
i think i lost my toothbrush on the way back come to think of it i haven't brushed my teeth for a few days now... i seem to be forgetting things moving abit slower lesser and lesser activity lesser and lesser health lesser and lesser spark in the eye
this blog is rotting like xb's foot im too lazy to put the chat box back up also i think i blog differently from last time im thinking of how to end this post properly but like cannot
Thursday, March 26, 2009
10:30 PM
My Officer's Creed
My duty is to lead, to excel, and to overcome It is not to coerce, to punish, or to ease my way My mission comes before my men But my men must come before me
I will be the first to enter the battle and I will be the last to leave it I am called to fight within the darkness But I will seek to bring light to it
I will be as impenetrable as night But I will strike as thunder I will respect everyone for who they are I must in humility, act
I am an officer I am not a slave master
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
10:53 PM
TAXI RANT i waited for a cab at 4.50 and about 30 cabs were changing shift, busy, or just ignored me at 5.06 i boarded a cab and realised surcharges start from 5 onwards nooooooo
Monday, March 16, 2009
6:13 AM
2 consecutive friday 13s have gone i have come away alive with 1 light sprain and 1 free subway sandwich voucher what bad luck i have
anw i just woke up from a 12 hour sleep i came home at 5 yesterday intending to do stuff but fell straight to sleep and just woke up v good catching up but gonna lose it all doing duty later
last week my room was invaded by a rat i came home to find 2 pieces of shit on my bed 2 on the floor 1 on my chair beside a puddle of piss my dad thought they were bugs so he picked them up and squeezed "mmm... really is rat shit " then as i was standing by my door the rat ran past my feet and into my room so i had to open the patio door to let it out in the process i shrieked and jumped up but that wasn't the point
Monday, February 16, 2009
12:17 PM
yesterday was happy birthday! and happy total defence day.
i planned to spend my birthday doing things that were very me but like all plans they always fail
my plans began to go awry from the start; i actually woke up way before 12pm like ard 7+ to reach PL mrt at 9 to settle some things following that, i recovered and did the typical thing and walked the longer way to the bus stop then lament at the hot weather for making me sweat so
things continued to go according to plan when i reached home and plopped myself on the couch things was still going well when i flipped through channels 32, 33 and 35 looking for some cartoon that i did watch which usually have la then i came upon double, back to back episodes of spongebob squarepants! however my plans crumbled before my eyes when i watched 2 episodes i never watched before
after that went to church and the bus actually came on time hur
left with my qiu qiu to go galvanise at our lao di fang then sang loud loud on my way home got home, lobo doing nothing then fall asleep too late
Saturday, February 14, 2009
12:42 AM
i went for rehearsals today for take my hand its err next friday!! and today was my first session we're doing things that require like kicking out at least 90 degrees to the side anyone who knows me long enough knows that i can't touch my toes when i saw the rehearsal programme like starts 2 weeks before the event i know it will all still turn out well because everything with god always turns out well ring ring i believe!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
9:11 PM
forced by circumstances (a.k.a. stadium closed) i undertook an ardous, reluctant long run it's been v v long since i last did one all my running has been speed, speed, speed
today my plan was to get myself lost then 20mins later, run home
it started off well enough i didn't dare run too fast and sure enough i began turning a darker shade of blue then i was prompted to include god in my run
and today, my run was exhilirating thrills ran through my body and soul pleasures coursed through my veins pain echoed in my legs fatigue thundered my lungs and i've come to truly acknowledge that all these are part of god's creation
there is the thirst, then there is the quench neither meaningful without the other that is why god said 'I am who I am' because that is most apt and that it most enjoyable
and through everything i discovered that I have been left dry for far too long i've left god out of my affairs and i've rung hollow in today's communion with god, i found that self that has been missing
i begin to see that we are called to live in accordance to his will in that we may not become one kind of christian but we may experience uniqueness by following his one law we do not end up as of one nature but of individuals, but in absolute freedom and in this we are not bound
in the same way as i ran and tried to get lost i always ended up heading home no matter how i turned or direct bashed i would come home and then i realised, that today, i really did come home
Saturday, January 10, 2009
1:46 AM
PAYDAYYY yay now im not peniless and no need to rely on ppl to return money which hansel hasnt done so need to hang pigs head alr but no money to buy pig head
3you 4jie 3you 2huan 4zai 4jie 3bu 2nan
owe $ pay $
Sunday, January 04, 2009
1:19 AM
i have a sudden craving for leopard crawls and fire and movement drills do until damn shagged curse myself for ever entertaining the thought then enjoying the rest of my current job then till i toy with crawling in mud again
Saturday, January 03, 2009
12:30 AM
yesterday which was 40mins ago (workday!) i learnt how to hit my cue ball straight how to score more foosball (fuus? fools? phoos?) goals i learned how to defend your air hockey goal better
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
8:17 PM
i'm brokkeee and ppl owe $ neh pay $ i must dispatch victor to splash paint hang his head no hang pig head on their door
i also dunno how the money disappeared must be the officer-to-be tag got to us when we were still cadets must act like occifer ma
Monday, December 29, 2008
4:58 AM
gah im awake im awake cant get to sleep thank god took first half day leave otherwise i'll be leaving home soon
uploading pictures onto facebook is a chore esp if it fails 2 times a row gahh 3 times gahhh then u realise u got 3 copies of some photos =(
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
12:47 PM
oh and to whoever still reads this (me) i tweaked some parts of this blog =)
12:19 PM
it's been very long since I last did this thing i guess probably no one sees this anymore... things have been happening but mostly unpublishable not cuz of explicit content but cuz now is still in the army i think its ok to say that i still have 11 months to go right, msd?
ok im not quite used to this anymore so i dunno how to go on i'll just end here this time maybe i'll blog more again soon
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
12:10 AM
1 more year to ord, o-r, o-r, d!
Sunday, September 07, 2008
12:56 PM
i gave up writing my army diary long ago there's nothing worth writing where i am, khing didnt come god came, but somehow stopped there waiting for the perfect time and hence i wait, too
Friday, August 08, 2008
9:48 PM
today, 8/8, i jumped at 8.08am, at exactly 8s past 8.08am.
at 080808, at 080808hours, i was not of this earth
Friday, June 20, 2008
7:25 PM
OH MY GOODNESS THANK YOU GODD LOGISTICCCSSSS
i must be the fittest log oct ever it's a miracle thank god
Saturday, June 07, 2008
1:06 AM
i finally booked out from field camp its supposedly the highlight of my current term so better days are ahead
in any case i cant blog anything abt it the last i heard someone blogged the name of the exercise then kena 01 x good one
what i can blog about is that i think someone up there is hearing me i think i can find myself again
it was the activity prior to field camp i stood there in the rain peering out from under the hood of my jacket and stared at the gloom of the canopy i wondered again where i was who i was when i was then i closed my eyes and said a little prayer
i stood there in the rain peering out from under the hood of my jacket and stared at the magnificence of the rain i watched as the gleaming droplets bounced off the leaves i saw again the beauty in all the creation i saw again the hands that crafted creation i saw and i was holding a saw =)
it all flashed past march03, july03, december03, april04, september05, december07 i felt the wetness of the rain on my pants i felt them wrapping uncomfortably around my legs i said this is discomfort i took a breath i savoured discomfort and that was discomfort that was a familiar process i think i can find me i think i am coming back
and i still thought so throughout field camp that is a familiar feeling i think khing will be back
Thursday, May 29, 2008
6:10 PM
i've just been reading some of my older entries i really miss the old me i cannot find that khing in the mirror nowadays i cannot see that spark in my eyes anymore
i remember bongard telling me that one training and it reverberated in me so strongly "you've lost that spark in your eyes" i was a failure then but i picked up again thereafter i know how i did it
i need god i need the love of my life to come back from china i need acx
i need all these things to fall into place i need the old khing to come back i need that arrogant confidence, the positiveness the strength but of course the looks have remained i still stun myself when i look in the mirror i wished i still could make more jokes like that like the old me would like the old me would say it isn't a joke i'm not so sure now
1:59 PM
booking out is such a rarity now things change very quickly when you're in the outside world for a limited period you book out after an endless stay in safti and you realise that there are many new things or many forgotten things out there such as new buildings realising that there are more than 20 females in the outside world and finding the voice behind ash of pokemon going through puberty
i've also forgotten how to style my hair how to take my time doing everything how to wake up late and why i wake up so freaking early
i've also forgotten who i was so i've opened the last 200 entries in my blog again bar the ones back at bigbloggybloodyblog.blogspot share me with me
Friday, May 23, 2008
6:27 PM
i dunno how to blog now
Sunday, May 04, 2008
2:54 PM
i never had a liking for premier institutes but here in this phase of my life i'm stuck at another after this i wish i can choose not to step into one they're very artificial, and i don't like it.
i've learnt where i am now to despise discipline and to resent teamwork. i have learned to fear unlearnt how to be brave thank god i still have kept my christianity but the institution has undone its very mission i hate it here
Sunday, March 23, 2008
9:21 PM
off to ocs tomorrow like kevin said is dunno whether to laugh or cry tomorrow we knock on the gates of hell and for 9 months we'll be burning burning
gahhhh help
Friday, March 14, 2008
1:24 PM
9 weeks
This is my flair; this is my flight In my horrid stare, beyond, a gruesome sight. I see I saw, I fled in fright. Tomorrow perhaps, I will still see light.
I'm meant to serve my tenure, But I am doing time Behind this mask, my phantom shines. To dawn and dusk my sleeves unfold Till long and last I build on gold.
Upon this rock I stand today. That lighthouse upon the cliff Perched in lofty haze. Through the clouds my love shines through To save me, from this wretched mess.
Across my chest this black metal thumps In unison my heart beats, Yet I run a slump. I cannot trust my charge, regrettably so. But then the saying, "you reap, you sow".
Still I remain in this prison trapped, A tranquil, a peace, a peace i seek. Calm my heart where from you hail, For i trust no longer, the longer i fear.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
1:16 AM
HERE'S THE VIDEO I LOVE AIZAT abit shaky and some parts cannot see but its alright aizat is still my hero
there's someone else videoing tho can someone pls pls pls identify him
in case you're wondering im the one on your right shorter in height
Monday, January 07, 2008
9:55 PM
results day very surprised our school did so well not surprised i did well though it was more than i deserved but it seems god has been good to me lately
that was happy
i shaved my head im bald
that was not happy
AIZAT VIDEOED OUR DANCE
that was very happy i love aizat
Thursday, January 03, 2008
1:43 AM
came back a few days ago from holiday went with parents, cousin n my woman to macau shenzhen n hk
basically was alot of rushed fun and essentially too long to rmb least of all to blog out much like the asean schs trip way way back in august which i have given up blogging much like the germany trip years ago
in a few short sentences i shall attempt to capture the trip in its outline
macau. as all things macau our 6 star hotel had a casino open to 18 year olds very eye opener cuz i've never been to one nor tried and still have not tried also was the indoor river + boats beautifulous
shenzhen. FREE catered by dad's contacts who saw the need to treat us to too much food all the time shopping was dismal until the discovery of the hidden pasar malam all hell broke loose within my wallet
hk. also dismal shopping till the discovery of pasar malam loose hell broke looser then also was ocean park it had the most vertical pirate ship and some really nauseating rides of which qiu n i tried only 5
the jellyfish aquarium was more fish then jelly cuz we saw tons of fish we never knew like hybrid shark sting ray seadragon and such and only one tiny, 30 by 20 cm tank of ipod nano sized jellyfish
we also got a video clip of two pandas climbing a tree and fighting on it also i saw first hand the workings of a panda's anus
Sunday, December 16, 2007
10:30 PM
just had church camp on tues-fri i still dont like games and into the first 2 days the games were wrecking camp for me...
i learnt that god's plans take time i have heard it before but never registered it has been preached before but because i have never experienced they remained just preaching to me i also learned a disdain for words preaching wouldnt work if they were just merely the words of a pastor there needs to be something more and on day 3 something more happened
the last camp was a disaster for me god dissipated from my life i no longer heard nor saw no longer felt nor thought about but life was successful everything was smooth i got more than i deserved so life was good but on day 3 the dissipation reversed and i realized how much even with a good life i missed god i cried my face out
is your life good today? can it get any better?
Sunday, December 02, 2007
6:44 PM
this morning i ran the stand chart 10k but the focus here isn't the race but rather what happened after i was completely wasted and feeling weak, cold and the bad feelings get-able it got worse and i thought i was gonna die of course that was far from what was happening the point is at that time it did feel so
and laying there almost motionless i wondered to myself what happens next some tears will be shed here and there i guess or hope, at least then i realised i wouldn't want any if i died, i wanted those who cried to know something
that i died happy i died doing what i loved to do and let tears cease to fall i'd pick dropping dead at 3 per k pace over dying in my sleep peacefully at 83
true, i ran myself to death but running made me live i learned so much from running and quite literally, running kept me alive my team mates kept me alive and so much more would have turned out badly if i never ran
i thought to myself as i laid there if i were to die someone should know this now you know
on another note my recent entries have been more like contemplative and reflective must be the result of reading the glass bead game and the lack of training with the team and being runaround idiots i will wake up for training
Saturday, December 01, 2007
1:40 PM
...as he saw it coming. A promise. All around him, voices rang high, sounding out a final anthem in deep nostalgia, as if their spirits looked long and hard over their shoulders. A few tears peeped out of the corners of eyes. The chorus reverberated once again, and it seemed the many voices entwined into one. There was a resonance. A resonance he did not share. A promise he took no part of.
His voice stood apart from the rest, staring listlessly as the myriad of colors twisted into a spire, dancing to the rhythm of fire. Embers swept across the hall with walls that changed colors, destroying the past, forging a future. But for him the destruction was a welcome one. Promise nothing to him.
Cherish, not cherish the lost. For him he felt no such longing. He treasured and rubbished according to his valuation of the things and people around him, not according to the possession of them.
Now onwards he holds his dreams. Into the distance his goals are blur, and others claim them vaguer still. But others were them who imposed their own beings on his own, who took a consensus to live the way that they have lived. He holds a jewel that no one sees in the palm of his hands, believing by faith that it will ever stay, and into the fog he will tread a path, he will take the road not taken... as he always saw it going.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
10:58 PM
yesterday was our anglo-chinese school (independent) international baccalaureate world school's pioneer batch's first ever, history-making prom night, very aptly held at marriot because there's a plaque outside it displaying the phrase "To God be the glory"
altho i've never been to no prom before i thought it was really good the food wasn't much to rave about though we ac eX country ppl + vishnu ended up eating swensens after the entire thing was over
regrettably i left my camera in the performers/councilors room upstairs and therefore have no pictures to show i only hope all the people who did take pictures with me put them up on facebook and tag it pls don be selfish and hog them lets all share the profits of selling my photos
sadly, forgetting to bring down the 2 cameras i brought meant that our performance wasnt recorded i tot we did ok but apparently most thought of us better the things i would do for a video of our performance it was the culmination of over 50hours of preparation since exams ended enough to complete the creativity hours section in cas i never thought it was gonna be fantastic even less so did feng but if everyone else thinks it was closer to that then that suits me fine
speaking of suits i think i was in the running for cheapest prom outfit gordan's doesnt count as an outfit
white shirt - tailored but free! asean schools one white pants - my sec2 prefect pants still fit me... i think it cost me $30? white shoes - bata dress shoes! no one could tell they were bata $60 white suit - $35 for tuesday to thursday i rented it from a costume rental shop... supposed to be a magician's jacket so kevin was saying if i forgot my dance moves i should just pull a pigeon or something out anw mom altered the suit for me =p she assured me it would hold but throughout the night i kept feeling the threads snap hur so i got fatter and fatter as the night wore on
on another note i always stood by my principle of non-obligatory helping meaning if you get someone to do something for you as a favour and the person doesnt deliver it's not his/her/its fault they were never obliged to help and i always held firmly to this but yesterday, under the mist of disappointment i let this value i always held, slip i am sorry that forgot this and i'm sure, though nothing was shown that i caused some ill feelings remember: no one is obliged to help unless the word "help" is used in a manner to put something nicely
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
11:55 PM
Recently i downgraded my family holiday, lost training time with my team for these final few months, and lost time to spend with my girl for something that did not have to be. It was avoidable, and I was prepared to do it alone and save time and trouble. I relented. I then had ideas imposed on me and have been very much disregarded and even though at one point I was in a way vindicated, the aforementioned pattern did not cease. Simply put, I was getting stick for being accomodating and doing my best to satisfy what I did not have to satisfy. One day it culminated and for since a very long time ago, i felt anger.
God has called for us as Christians to mellow our tempers, not just on the outside but on the inside as well. I decided, as such, to resolve and douse that inner fire. As things turned out, following this bitterness was an improvement. Things got very much better and I am happy. Perhaps not so if I had decided to claim my rights and unleash my anger. Afterall, I had good reason. I believe in never having to drop anger on anybody, regardless whether you're entitled to doing so or not.
Have you lost your temper today? Have you loved your enemy today?
Have you loved your neighbour today?
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
11:25 PM
today most people finish their As i on the other hand finished an rpg game heh
since ib ended i've been busier dancing 3 dances for xmas production dancing for prom dancing for camp training for stand chart training for beyond that reading books i wanted to read during ib getting rid of stuff i used to study for ib playing lots lots lots of games eating lots lots lots of rubbish
so there'll be more interesting entries coming up including that asean schs one back in august which is gonna be long to compensate for the long blogging absence
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
9:48 PM
eh today school's chinese karaoke again me only year6 very expectedly
long story cut short i got second again this time wasnt my voice but my err stage wind? tai feng. means never create enough the atmosphere la the champion guy bring gf on stage sia how to lose
and also was my lack of understanding of my song, gan lan shu. or olive tree. while i understand that it is an account of the songwriter's wandering ways and how it is for the birds, the streams and the grasslands i fail to catch the crux of the song which is why the songwriter constantly dreams of an olive tree and wanders because of this fictitious olive tree and then emo about his/her wandering ways
but in any case quite happy with the result i think its fine oh and this year they decided to pun the prizes
first prize air tickets second chicken essence and third chap teh
in chinese it'll be like ji piao ji jing ji mao or watever u call it sure got ji one. and how did they further this pun? they get two sec1s to dress up as chickens and run around like headless ones very amusing to watch indeed
well now that's over it's time to dance or something else that needs attention hmmmm. i b exam-ining this sudden hesitation
Saturday, October 20, 2007
12:44 AM
khing is gonna go army on 11/1 at 1pm school 1 @ pulau tekong
Sunday, October 14, 2007
8:18 PM
friday was the last day of school last lessons last recess last end of school all last time sit in class laugh work rot
on saturday morning i woke up and i stared into the blank ceiling and i thought to myself there's no more school there's finally no more school
i knew i never liked school but i never expected this sense of release i didnt know i was so tired of school
as experience will tell me and contrary to what others will i don think i'll come back to miss it again i cherish what i have and i will miss them before they end
there is no love loss between me and the school not the people i guess but the school generically
the cry of this generation and the cause of all the adolescent rebellion is that we are forced to grow up but are not treated as such much is expected of us and we have to live up to it and they justify it by calling us gentlemen and ladies but when it comes to treating us accordingly it comes down to pinpointing mistakes and then dropping expectations that they don't fulfill themselves
study is a crime. i am not a school person those who cannot contain this rapid growth become what we like to call - delinquents. or many of them at least
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
10:34 PM
10 October 2007 #cq4667 - 2329 Report on the 6.7 Cold War
Definition: (Cold War) A conflict between two groups due to air-conditioning.
Parties involved: Top right girls Bottom left guys
Battlefield: 6.7 Ephesus
Duration of conflict: Some months
Origins of conflict: (Geographical) Location of air-conditioning unit C of class 6.7 situated closer to TRG than BLG (Temperature Tolerance) TRG low tolerance for cold, BLG low tolerance for heat
Therefore air-conditioning unit C cools low-heat tolerance TRG more than high-heat threshold BLG. TRG freezing, BLG sweating. Allocative efficiency not achieved. MC not equals to AR. Dispute over whether air-conditioning should be on or off.
Nature of warfare Skirmishes: Alternate switching on or off of air-conditioning. Occasional guerilla warfare by attacking air-conditioning controls when the other party is not in class or having recess.
9 October 2007 Bilateral relations deteriorate. Stalemate at air-conditioning closet. TRG blocks off BLG's route to closet.
10 October 2007 Conflict resolved. Phantom peace keeping forces stuff one side of four sided air-conditioning facing TRG with toilet paper. Net cool wind from other three vents become stronger. Allocative efficiency is achieved.
Effects of war: Inside jokes.
Monday, September 03, 2007
1:37 PM
(refering to a picture of dharma 3 years ago)
seet: aye dharma last time damn slim ah now liddat khing: ppl just give birth la u give birth i see how slim u stay seet: eh my mother how steady so slim khing: dharma just gave birth la ur mom last time was like when seet: 6 years ago khing: ur youngest sibling 6 years old? seet: err no 8 khing: huh.
(seet stones) (seet looks jacked) (seet gives an awkward chuckle)
anw i came back from jakarta last last week shali no collating the pictures so will blog about that once the pictures arrive
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
11:39 PM
because rest feels best after work because water tastes best after a run because sitting down rocks after racing because peace in peaceful times is not appreciated
shit happens. otherwise no contrast.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
9:48 PM
i just watched my own 800m video and while its a great video and all with a great winner who has great style and all i found the audio amidst the distracting announcements quite interesting here is what i picked out:
[160m] victor: go khing!!
no surprise here considering only his voice can travel that far
[220m] victor: come on khing!!
again, no surprise
[230m] vishnu: the blue guy is... khing, right?
err... yah...
[234m] seet: of course la... aiyoh... {something something}
at this point there was silence no doubt seet must have said smtg stupid maybe like hu hu ha ha
[315m] vishnu: come on AC! [316m] victor: come on khing come on changming!! [318-400m] random dispersion of come on khing/ming/ac
[550m] ms.lee: come on keep close changming keep close!
no la jogging only never see my face contorted in pain
[603m] landdis: khing die already...
no wonder ming and i did well all his leg pain powers paid off
[690m] xide: GO KHING
[800m] seet: nice one la...
[a few seconds after finishing] someone: come on khing!!!!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
11:42 PM
and so came the end the final track finals
Shi Ronghua - 4:23:86 Kenneth Khing - 4:25:93
Khing: wa today ah all i wanted to do was for the first time whack you last part
Hua: wah u damn strong lah i damn scared last part u whack me
Khing: wah lau never whack u before eh
Hua: got what
Khing: when got. u tell me.
Hua thinks Hua ponders Hua tries to remember Hua wonders rinse and repeat
Hua: you wait ah i think first later sms u
till now it is 1 day 4hours no sms haha really never whack him before somemore kena whack 2 seconds it can only be ah hua
equation for the day:
P ( Khing is whacked in last 300m) = 1 x 10^(-148951984219842) P (Khing is whacked in last 300m, t > 1 second) = Shi Ronghua
Sunday, July 01, 2007
11:35 PM
im just back from church and i have to share ignore this if u will but it could just be for you
for a long while now i've been a lousy christian my faith has been left dangling twisting in the worldly air currents
but at the very least i knew i had to do smtg abt it i wanted to get back and i did try
i went to church and genuinely tried to feel god again i went through in my head what god had done for me in the past i even joined sp class hoping that that was the step i had to take so that i could hear and feel him again but for too many months or perhaps it has been a year it has all come to naught
but in his own way in his way that is sometimes irritating cuz it completely fools you things happen
dancing for god was for me just another way of saying dancing we dance for many reasons for fame, glory, expression of self dancing for god just dancing for god
i've attended the recent rehearsals dilligently which is actually a very me thing all i expected to do was just to do that short dance make sure i remember the steps do them well and do about 4 minutes worth of clubbing
the rehearsals however had something deeper in store for me the prayers we had were something different i finally felt a familiar tingle a nostalgic feeling a reminiscent tugging of the heart i felt again
today as i stood at the back of the hall bowing my head as always as the pastor asked for privacy for ppl to raise their hands to accept christ i had to for the first time lift my head because i was part of the production i saw for the first time in my life ppl raising their hands to accept jesus i had to cry i just had to cry
i always thought i didnt care abt whether ppl accepted christ or not but i realize it does deep down i always wanted to save my friends today i came to realize how much it means to me to see the ppl i care abt come to say 'jesus is my lord' today my family didnt come and there was a reason for that after the performance i didnt see them and i was very disappointed and that told me something it told me that what i thought was other ppl's reason to live is actually mine as well
it matters to me i now safely say it matters a hell lot to me or a heaven lot.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
1:51 PM
Hello world. recently i've been pretty busy amidst the gray adversity known as exams rehearsing for my church's event on sunday above is the trailer in which i played a part in although u can only see my face for .23 seconds i assure u the work was far more than 23 minutes
anw i usually don do this but i'll say its worth ur time so do come support it's at my church's err (for lack of better vocab) new campus at paya lebar directions ask from me or any friendly LTA henchmen at paya lebar mrt
as u can see i stretched my blog to accomodate the video and i shun bian changed the picture above which everybody complained cldnt be seen
Saturday, June 23, 2007
1:25 AM
Who Am I?
My name is KhingZhenZe Kenneth. My friends simply call me Khing. Acquaintances hardly pronounce it right. It is a "hing" with a "k".
I live a lie. To myself, and to everyone else. That is then.
I have grown onto the lie. Or the lie has grown onto me. The lie is now a truth. I live a truth. This is now.
I have friends. I have a girlfriend. I am my girlfriend's boyfriend. I do not have best friends. Nor do I have close friends. I have a family. I have brothers I never had.
To those I do not know; I am scary and unresponsive. To my brothers; I am different. To my girlfriend; I am her boyfriend. To runners around; I am many things - good and bad.
I do not crave attention. Nor do I lust after the tangible material. I seek admiration; fuel for the ego, for the self. I am a solo act. You can see from the things I excel at. I am a team player. My team is my all. You can see from the things I excel at. Some of them.
I like to walk through time. I believe time does not destroy. I know time resolves. I resent that I cannot walk back in time. But i rejoice that time cannot reverse.
I am a philosophical atheist in thinking, a Buddhist in self. But still I am a Christian. I spell God with a capital "G". My faith is firmly in Christ. "Faith is believing that which you cannot see". I believe against what I see. Believing that people walk mainly on hands. That is my value of faith.
I am a complex human. Just like everyone else is. I am no better than the next person. Nor the next person me. But I am better to the people who are better to me. Like the better boyfriend to my better girlfriend. I am Kenneth Khing. Or just plain Khing.
Monday, June 18, 2007
10:51 PM
yesterday was essentially a good day for me firstly, i took part in my first ever public 100m race although i wasnt first it was a first official timing for me add to the fact that i did not at first fall of the starting blocks made it even better because the first time i tried blocks i fell on my face literally so anw it was a good, and first, return of 11.9 which is not too shabby for a crosser
where am i going with all the firsts? of course, i did finish first somewhere sadly, it wasnt my first ok not sadly but happily it was my second win and it quite made my day cuz there were alot of last minute sign ups which included some rather fast ppl instead of the at first (hah!) dull lineup
and finally DE highlight of the day the other day tham gave me some unglam, unflattering and embarrassing pictures of vishnupriya d/o rajkumar of course, she gave me the thams up to splatter them on vish which i did and because it was so precious i must blog it in detail:
[Act 1 Scene 1] setting: black
{vishnu is seen engrossed in conversation}
enter Khing & Victor
{victor stands at a distance and smiles} {khing sneaks up behind vishnu, pictures in hand}
khing: {taps vish shoulder} vishnu: yes? khing: {places pictures infront of her face}
there is a long pause a storm looms silence... more silence... silent until sian...
vishnu: {screams, chases khing}
exit khing, vishnu
{victor stands at the distance and smiles}
[End of Act 1 Scene 1]
Monday, June 11, 2007
11:43 PM
if my tagboard is anything to go by there is the misconception that i have not been training i frown upon all u detractors
in a way i am like david beckham misunderstood, underrated and most importantly handsome
but while my faithful taggers are suck blood spit people -ing there is, a slight tinge of truth
just yesterday the magic quartet of kevin, xide, seet and i took part in the mr25 4x11.3k relay while kien mau n mok combined to beat us in their 2x22.6k runs with a 3 min deficit we nevertheless were victorious in our category
but the lack of saturday trainings as caijing has so kindly pointed out had taken its toll today i sit here ashamed that my once feared shoulder muscles and ripping back muscles are now aching from a long run
but i must point out that yesterday was a 10k pb and despite the lack of fitness my 800 is still not too shabby i am still fast my friends just as david beckham is still good and as well, handsome
perhaps for me it is puberty part2 where i will once again (pls pls pls pls) grow muscles faster (OH PLS MAKE IT TRUE) and grow taller again
of course the same cannot be said for beckham but if it is true it disturbs me
Monday, May 21, 2007
10:37 PM
today i drank too much water actually i didnt just that i didnt pee enough
and so it was a pee filled bladder i carried onto a people filled bus down traffic filled orchard road and i was only halfway there east coast was a good 40mins away
at this point the pee level in my bladder was really high like my height liddat (i assure you, that is quite some pee) but i persevered nonetheless
i alighted at my stop but did not bother to hold the pee till i touched home. recent enlightenment by timmy revealed that holding back pee for too long can result, as in his brother's case, kidney problems. also, i was held back by memories memories only 3 or 4 years back when i awoke on the bus only to find my dark blue pants an even darker shade of blue
thus i peed at the bee pee toilet ok it was mobil but bee pee sounded punny enough anw, it was a record pee from the point the pee left its holding area i had time to change track on my mp3 listen almost half the song used my hand (ONE free hand) to off it chuck it into my shirt pocket before the river ceased
bliss it was and satisfaction at another record fallen
Friday, May 18, 2007
10:30 PM
i've a sudden urge all of a sudden to suddenly talk about something that has caught me - suddenly.
recently i've been listening to quite a bit of my music recent, and not recent.
while i am not one who checks out the latest albums and what not i do check on my comp library re-check out my old tunes
and this impulse has led to some sort of temporal craze and therefore here is my all-time top 10
in order of merit,
Tisbury Lane (Mae)
The Magic Key (One-T)
Kuai Le Chong Bai (Wilber Pan)
Just To Be The Next To Be With You (Mr Big)
Call And Return (Hellogoodbye)
Tao Yan Hong Lou Meng (David Tao)
Save Tonight (Eagle Eyed Cherry)
Stuck (Stacie Orrico)
You Make Me Wanna (Blue)
Qia Zham (Some Hokkien Dude)
Monday, May 14, 2007
8:07 PM
recently fuiyi pointed out to me that im constantly carrying alot of stuff i have my ginormous bag that's bigger than me with the hweaking big attached shoe bag that sticks out and then i carry yet another shoe bag sometimes i have my jacket draped over my shoulder and of course there is my trusty mp3 player hanging around my neck with the cables dangling all over the place it is a perfect picture of a man on a mission my bag could very well be the sister doraemon pocket enabling me to whip out whatever i need whenever i need it perhaps that is the shoe bag's job; my bag is meant for me to sleep in my jacket is actually a well hidden multi-purpose suit it keeps out rain, wind and doesnt look stained even if u spill curry on it cuz its dark blue it keeps in heat, conceals my mp3 player and not forgetting holding back my ripping muscles =) what about my mp3 player? it plays music, man.
but underneath all that i wonder am i just physically burdened? tied down not merely just by my earphone's wires? why am i putting down the thing i enjoy most - training with my team for what i never appreciated, such as studying? afterall i do aspire to be a coach and it would do me no harm boosting my portfolio
my bag has grown; the books are more my shoe bag no longer hold my running shoes; they hold the slippers i wear to go straight home i do not need a jacket when i run; but when i throw it around my neck it reminds me of a strait jacket. and my mp3 player? it plays cool tunes, dude.
in the end though i am still me no one's forcing me to study; my parents have always adopted an indifferent attitude i guess it is down to my ego for very long now my ego has kept me going when my team is not involved. without it i'll probably be half as successful as i am now whether how much that remains is substantial or not, is for another day to discuss
but khing is still khing and khingky i will still be i will change, make no mistake stagnation is anti-maturity but search deep enough and you will still find khing
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
10:14 PM
sometime in the middle of january 2002 i was forced from track into cross-country to me it sounded like some lame cca of which i found very much contrary to in the weeks that followed it wrecked your legs and wasted them inflicted indescribable pain to your muscles tormented your lungs and twisted your nerves it wasnt lame. it made u lame.
bad jokes aside, i hated it there was no sense running your guts out putting them back in and running them all out again (rinse and repeat)
but time after time bongard forced me back it was a blatant use of terror like in chinese history where chiang had his white terror i trained on sheer fear alone but that fear would one day wear out it would one day not sustain this overwhelming pain that is cross-country soon, my fear disintegrated and in its place, something, and a false love for running
why false, one may ask? for one, i still dislike long runs i still want to quit when the going gets tough and i loathe perspiring
what was definite was that i wanted to train i looked forward to trainings i just wanted to be there
it took long enough for me to realize what that something was i came to realize that running did not take centre stage it was something else it was something that put the acX into acXperience it was somebody it was somebodies
it was my team it is my team it will always be my team.
in life, people often remark "time pass very fast lei" but somehow, it never was so for me it wasnt as if i had a tough life or anything i consider my life rather smooth sailing but somehow, everything was slow only acX sped things up and more than that, it saved my life it happened in july 2004 but that is another story for another time my upcoming baptism perhaps
it has been a magical 6 years through this journey down this road down this "path less taken" in a magic school bus
last wednesday our time for running cross-country came to an end but to this team we have no end as seet put it "we are the champions, my friend" not in the title sense though that would have been nice but in that we have come away from it all with the full acXperience - the pain, the euphoria, the depression, the joy, the laughs, the tears, the times, the team and the memories... they are all ours to keep
- to kevin ng you will always be the captain. my captain. you never had the chance to lead this team to victory, only agonizingly close far too many times. but that doesn't matter, it really doesn't. i have come to see that. you are my captain, and you have made it so. and that is enough. being jackasses, sadly or not, is perhaps the hallmark of our batch. perhaps we were not meant to win titles. but i cherish what we have, and i hold dear to my heart. i bid you love this team for as long as you know love, and between all of us, may that love come to something. something good that must come from love, no darkness.
-to low xide for the longest while, you've failed to believe. believe in something you couldn't do. you said to me that you're the little mixture of everything and that may well be true. but you have grit in abundance. a little more faith, a little more determination. i wish i had more of those. for years i've seen you, i see the same will emanating from you. but more than before, this season for you was unbelievable. yours is what mental strength is supposed to be, even if u do undermine yourself. unbelievable. but you didn't believe that as well. perhaps you rarely believe. but believe today, that this team will not fade away, weathered by time. believe, dear brother (that i never had), and make it so. it is ours to keep, more important it will be ours to make. the bells will only ring for he who believes, and i have believed. the ball, as they say, is in your court. ball. hah.
-to kenneth seet too many times, we wish there was an end task or a shut down to you. we longed to see not responding in brackets on your forehead. but all those were not meant to be. but in a wicked, sick and twisted sort of way, i'm glad they didn't. i remember a cross meeting that took place at the end of sec3 when you were still new, not irritating and somehow rather proper. what you said reverberated throughout my entire running career and always helped me to believe in what i was doing, kept me going and going with this team, forever etched in the depths of my heart. after a few weeks of training, you said "i feel there is a bond in this team that i never saw elsewhere before. it feels special and that's what keeps me going". perhaps that still keeps you going as it has kept me. i pray that it will bring us beyond where we are, and where we could possibly imagine. i pray i will not hit the cltr+alt+delete so rapidly when the time comes. but i probably will.
-to benjamin lee changming i felt that for some time now, you've been somewhat neglected. i dunno if you've felt it, but somehow i feel so. there wasn't reason to; both you and i know that we pwn kevin ng hands down at 800 and 1500 and that the taunting between us is the real deal. well perhaps it was down to quietness. there never was much noise coming from you. but somewhere somehow someway, at least, i began to sit up and take note. i don't know when it started, but i heard something. i recalled seb telling me that you were a fighter. not easy to see but it does come out when you take to running. i saw, and realized it was true. i began to hear something. something resonated in me. i still search for what it is, but i do know it is something we share in common and i can readily relate to. i want to relate to it and so to you. and hopefully this search will stretch way after i leave school and beyond the army camp (where you don't have to go).
-to victor tan you know how you've done so far in terms of running. and i'm sure you're not happy with it. but keep at it (though not too much) and eventually you'll get your top5. people may say you have no talent, but i want you to remember that i say talent is make believe. we make it because we believe, and so can you. apart from that, you do make a difference, running nats or not. you bring an extra quality to the team (like nipple bleeding) that is special and unique in itself. this is the same thing xide and i told you one training last year, and you must remember that. because after all, the great runners form not the team, for our team make great the runners.
-to sebastian koh one fine champion. one fine team. a strong bond. one single dream. i've always loved that poem you wrote. not just because of all the literary devices and what not, but for the fact that it epitomizes my feelings towards this team. it's yours to lead now as we leave and go. and i hope you will uphold the words in your poem and keep this team burning for very long to come. i am always afraid that we will take the ess(s)ence of acX with us as we leave, and it will be my greatest joy, if you can extend it to the future generations. it is all in your hands now, and i am sure it is in good hands. make it so, and where appropriate next season, make believe, and make belief come true.
for the rest whom i've not mentioned i do not know you enough to write something i really mean but hopefully come the years i can truly say that i am proud of u all this team we leave with you now must prosper in its own right and that may not come in the form of titles but should be in the way of that something something that perhaps no one really put into words and is really for you to feel and fathom
Thursday, April 14, 2011
3:08 AM
from whence i came
how has it gone?
up from this stupor,
splitting sleepy yellow sands
hearken from where i come;
how far have you gone?
up, up from your well!
...and see in the water, your reflection
tug more gently on my beating strings
for it's fragmented, worn from trivial things
within dire and under ire
flesh and blood must surely tire
trumped the racket in my solitude
far deeper, further you intrude
till alone turns to lonely
and ego strangles self wretchedly
i break from my canter
and drop to the ground
take a sigh, find my center
look up towards where i am bound
over my shoulder i try to see
if the way i've took is worth the while
invariably i still see me
clawing, crawling - with a smile
Sunday, December 19, 2010
7:03 PM
went cycling for section outing just a while ago
i thought the whole journey was very poignant;
it looked a reflection of our ministry's direction
we set out with a vision of a promised land:
somewhere the leaders knew
but those who followed did not
a land overflowing with milk and honey
err i mean great wind and scenery
nevertheless, everyone followed
covering the rear as last man,
there were some noisy deraileurs and gears
because there was a misalignment
of a few bike chains
it took a desire from me to smooth out their ride
and a willingness of theirs to listen
and together, we ironed out their kinks
and were on our way
heading towards destination
on the path of least resistance
along the way
rain threatened to, well, rain on our parade
we took several pit stops
surveyed the weather
and saw that the dark clouds were catching up on us
instead of hiding and being caught in the rain,
we pressed on towards the plan set before us
to bring everyone out of the impending storm
(it didnt rain btw, but not the point!)
we didn't reach the promised land either
but we were out of the rain
and within striking distance of the place
as pierre de coubertin put it:
"the essential thing is not to have conquered
but to have fought well"
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
12:26 AM
today i watched kasi run his swansong 5k
and the image wound the clock back a few years
if i could, i would have ordered the entire current acx down
to watch him run
im so proud of kasi
even though like he didnt get top3 or top8 or anything
he really really fought
the race was started badly
but he never gave up
even though there was nothing to fight for
kasi sped up at the most painful parts of the 5k
and ran with a beautiful form
i guess not everyone could have spotted it
but these few months with kasi
i found that though he had weak will
he had the strongest mentality
and he went for it even though it was always out of his reach
he's the only one left in acx with the fire in his eyes
today kasi translated that into sheer willpower
and truly it was soul to sole
its just too bad he had nothing to show for it
but im really really damn proud of my vice captain
watching him run gave me goosebumps today
and i felt really inspired watching my kasi run
go kasi
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
9:45 PM
for those of you who haven't been updated
i've finally gotten off my butt, got a job:
i'm assistant coach for acx back in sch
to answer the usual preceding question,
i'm being paid well enough
but by session instead of by the hour
4 times a week, roughly 3 hours a session
these next few days however
is the sch's track&field meet
and like today
i'll be working like 5-6 hours
and will still be getting paid by the session
but i really don't mind one bit
cuz i really love my job
and it really anchors the conviction
that i must do something i enjoy in the future
i think the team is shaping up really well
much better than my initial thoughts before i saw the guys
and it took me back to when i was in their position
thumping the track, forcing out 3:18s
remembered how it was like to believe in the impossible
and, together with my team, my brothers
rendered it possible
my job now is to bring that back
because the boys already have what it takes
but don't know that they do
if they would just believe
"the bell will ring for he who believes"
it's not that hard
because i do believe in them
i love my job
Sunday, January 31, 2010
2:49 AM
i started off friday the usual way
i overslept the lunch i was supposed to have with melvin in school
but nonetheless made it down to have my $2 magi add vege at around 2pm
first teacher i bumped into was ong siu lian
the one whose veins pops out when she carries an empty paper bag
simple hi, bye
i remembered how she was so excited
when she saw me join the chinese karaoke competition in year 6
cos she knew for sure i was gonna sing something from out of her generation
then there was terence chiew
much skinnier than the last time i saw him
he looked like a stickman
as usual he recounted to us about his sporting adventures
this time a 333km track across some desert
the usual parting shot for a teacher meeting old students might sound like
"all right guys, wish you all the best!"
very thiru sounding
i can still picture her merlion-ing politically correct comments
but of course, this was terence chiew
"i really appeared on the news! go google 'newpaper terence chiew' "
at this juncture i went to the irreplacable sac
had my noodles
and for nostalgia's sake
had 50 cents ribena, milo peng and blueberry tart
although i bemoan the shrinking size of the ribena cup
i must commend the apparent R&D that they did on the tart
we went to visit our pioneer batch mural after that
i looked for the little note that i scribbled on that board 3 years back
took in the pointlessness of that little sentence
and found comfort in that i haven't changed much
"If you notice this notice, you'll notice that this notice isn't worth noticing at all"
i went separate ways from melvin and gang thereafter
and spent the next hour sitting and gazing in the sac
greeted teachers who no longer recognized me
bought food from vendors who pointed me out straightaway
looked around at tables and replaced the strangers
with images of those i knew
i saw again the poster of !nk
and was surprised to see karen liau's name on it
so the mighty prefect mistress is back
i wondered if she remembered me
i wondered if she remembered me if not for my surname
i realised i wasn't bothered enough to find out
so i went away and walked
i walked down the corridors and alleys
retraced the familiar routes that i used to take
walked past the b3 classrooms
remembered one valentine's day
when i put that present that took me 9 hours to make in the locker
and made it supremely sandy
i descended the spiral staircase
remembering always to look out for shadows of those coming up
i arrived at the teacher's office
wondered if i wanted to see anyone
wondered if anyone wanted to see me
and like all those times back in school
i turned and walked the other corridors and alleys
i walked past the newly refurbished library
and remembered the cosy, dim library of old
remembered how everyone abused the computers in there
remembered how i always pretended to study in there
i walked to the track via the small path by the library
remembered my 3rd ankle sprain
remembered the deep breaths i always took
as i left the books
and hit the track
i walked past the basketball courts
and tried to wonder something
but it left me as i thought
so i walked again, to the track
i sat at the steps leading up to the boarding school
facing the track
and half-watched the rugby game that went on
i remembered the cheering committee
remembered the last rugby game i watched in uniform
i saw some ruggers sprinting with parachutes for training
thought to myself
"that's not the way to run"
and felt a sensation course through my veins
and saw myself sprinting down the track
black top, red spikes
dark sky, red track
i watched as i rounded the bend
i remembered to swing my right arm more
i felt the tapping on the balls of my feet
i felt the spikes dig into the track
and then i felt the run
i walked back to the main building again
i walked, wondering what i was wandering for
i realised i was looking for something
but couldn't really place it
i came to the circular classroom
remembered the hours feng and i put into the prom dance
i walked some more
and realised i was looking for someone
but i couldn't tell who
i looked down the ib building
saw the pond and remembered fabian the catfish
remembered poking fabian
remembered playing frisbee there
when we were supposed to study
i walked around more
hoping to see someone
i wondered who that was
was it dear old oldham?
i realised i wasn't finding out
so i left
and spontaneously,
like always,
spontaneously,
i went to cut my hair
Sunday, December 06, 2009
11:39 PM
A few days back I wanted to go for a run. Crossing the stream that runs outside my house, I noticed from the corner of my eye a little birdie swimming towards me. Upon closer inspection, I realised that it was struggling quite abit. I scooped it out of the water, and it trembled in my hands. I could tell it was trying to flee, but lacked the strength to do so. Its feet tried clawing at my hands as i laid it down on my house patio. I left it there for it to dry, thinking it might fly away after that, so I went to run.
Coming back from my run, I realised the little bird creature had snuck under the table, hidden among the table cloth. I fed it some ikan bilis and left it there. After a while I decided to pat the little thing, but it shirked away and shrieked at me.
Suddenly God spoke to my heart.
I scooped you up from the raging depths and gave you life. I cared for you and provided for your needs. I wanted but to touch you, yet you withheld yourself from my hand and cried out against me.
The bird hopped out from under the table and peered at me. The past 2 months have been an awakening for me; I have never heard my God speak so clearly to me. I have been called for a time such as this, but I remained apprehensive. I looked at the little creature and thought about everything that has happened - two entire months of coincidences, of very focused coincidences. I named the little thing Trust.
I watched Trust hop towards a little corner where it looked really comfortable.
Slowly, Trust sat down on its legs. I watched as its little claws came together and its little feet joined, like in prayer.
So I prayed along and realised that finally, God, I really believe, and I know how to trust.
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
10:44 PM
oh nose! i forgot to jump at 090909, 090909! that would have made me not of this earth at that moment
anw CHAI CHEE BAK CHOR MEE IS BACCKKKK oh my blue son
when it disappeared i was like :'( i tot they went for good but but but they just moved next door only! now revamp until v atas got set meal, got theme and they added a slice of abalone into the noodles GAHHHH
Monday, September 07, 2009
6:34 PM
i'm running safsa cross next month so for this month boss give offs every 1, 3, 5 go macs run run
today sit on the bus looked out the window and stoned such a familiar feeling a humming in my legs and the sizzling in my butt
i've run again
Sunday, August 09, 2009
1:41 PM
it's a glorious sunday afternoon to spend in camp i've resorted to blogging to while my time away so far i've read 4 newspapers, beat my high score at bubble spinner come close to my word challenge high score many times checked on the guards taken 45mins to eat my measly lunch picked up single items from my office on multiple trips
so far i've succeeded in burning 5 hours about 19 more to go i'll try to give 12 of those to sleep at random instances and at random places
i've ran out of newspapers my eyes are drying up from staring at this screen and im tired of both standing and sitting
at least if it stays this way till tomorrow morning i can relax and grow more brain of which of course i already have in abundance but more wouldnt hurt my chances at breaking my word challenge high score
`tis my first time doing a weekend one there's nobody in camp ghost maybe have
think i have a bbq at home later which i wont be at cuz im stuck down here hoping nothing happens till i hand over
lets see if i werent here i'd probably take a rare walk down orchard road then i'll linger around orchard boulevard at the right time then when the clock strikes 8:22pm i'd come to attention and recite the national pledge there and then
by the time i reach this sentence i'd have read the above at least 8 times for whatever reason i cannot tell except to inspire myself to type more and waste away another 10mins
i cant believe it takes weekend duty to finally get myself to blog longer than 3 sms length
from now till tomorrow i think i'll take a few long long showers play abit of pool ALONE play alot of word challenge and bubble spinner re-re-re-read maybe a quarter of the bible blog a few entries do many chin ups sleep at random instances at random places oh man i got nothing left to type
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
9:56 PM
my mc finito alr veh sad tomorrow must go work at least its wednesday alr then maybe thursday take off friday as good as a half day and friday got IHAL echo! heh just got the sms on that v good v good
i wld release i is got many at IHAL echo but nowsaday no rehearsals v hard to have any inspiration everything at work all so monotone no laife! just now stare at the script many many but nothing nothing come out
in other news i havent been running enough and probably cant run till end of the week or smtg which will be duty day then rest next day then it'll be too late to train alr oh mans gahh i don wanna run 21
Sunday, July 19, 2009
11:57 PM
today i learned that Jason Mraz's I'm Yours is not conducive to gek sai-ing
Friday, July 17, 2009
8:51 PM
THERE'S SPONGEBOB MARATHON NOWWW i watched like 8 episodes alr so exciting can
but im too tired to carry on quite sad but too bad
anw my dad saw the word spongebob on the top right hand corner of the tv then he asked in chinese if it was SPONGEBOB or SPONGE808 like sponge ba ling ba haha quite funny
Sunday, July 12, 2009
1:43 PM
recently lta leoel's officer sword kena oxidise so if one day need to use for parade he really eat energy so now i cleaning my one oso need to oil it some time
wiping the blade with one of my shirts i wondered abt the meaning of the sword how come saf spend money every batch to give each officer an engraved sword
i heard in older, less tactical times like before a battle started the officers will draw their swords then raise it at the enemy then the men will charge
of course in 3G battles nowadays the sword will b super in the way it'd be shiny, noisy, cumbersome and of course, when we sit on the field chair the sword will very din teh
but nowsdays officers don seem to be held in such regard anymore esp with so many nsf 2lt like me got no men to command need to rapport with other ppl's men to get work done then in the end become more like friend at most they get awed at how fit u are or how much pay u get each month but that's really about it
the officer nowsaday to me ah abit less of prestige abit less of honor abit less of carrying your platoon on ur shoulders but more of doing work more of troubleshooters more of doing cover work
in a way is closer to the office part of officer then where come the operational side? go war got knowledge, got planning, got thinking is good but no c2, no mandate is how?? this is cannor! but is liddat
12:14 AM
snail! i saw it somewhere outside my house so i went home and despite my tiredness got a spoon of salt and went out to melt the snail got the squeaky squeaky sound dunno is snail melting sound or snail screaming sound
i'm still a boy ns havent make me boy to man yet
Friday, July 10, 2009
11:55 PM
eh i think the iHAL WDS (wiff drawer simpsoms) got huge effect on me i anyhowly blog only then all the lines come out in that last entry
then today i caught a sight of myself in a mirror somewhere in camp then i realised my officer seh gone! i was standing on one leg, shaking the other hands on my hips, elbows back head cocked to one side dunno look like what you is know?
Thursday, July 09, 2009
10:28 PM
eh reading my recent entries realised all bleak bleak one not like last time when this blog still flourishing see la nong nong a time ago alr say sad sad emo emo is no one will come but still got those ppl out there thick eye shadow with face-covering fringe
but anws now gonna ord must start picking up the hweeling again
as a matter in fact i started counting down alr today shld be 70+ workdays left including saturdays a few more offs here and there and vua la, what is it we have here? oooo ord personnel, i see
then i also started getting fitter ran my 16k v v fastly today! but im not gonna get any bigger until at least after ahm otherwise i will die, reanimate, then kena exorcise
Sunday, June 28, 2009
9:27 PM
Saturday night was the finale of I Have A Lot I'm having withdrawal symptoms
At the drawing of the curtains I went around looking if anyone needed comforting offering in jest the mummy cloth for tears maybe a shoulder to cry on
turns out i needed some comforting myself when i got home i started to cry wimper even like how i felt 2 years back that last race, those last runs, my last 3:18
in fact, on the 2nd week of july i realised this was gonna end and i cherished every rehearsal every bit and inch of I Have A Lot i looked forward to practice after work i lingered on after rehearsals i took in everyone, took in the colors we brought to the dull looking space outside LT1
i wish i could do more for this group of ppl and so i did I Is Got Many
i'm also very thankful i didnt fit leslie and landed the johnny job instead it's not that i played johnny well but more because johnny was a part of me way back during the happiest period of my life i loved playing johnny and in this God spoke and taught me so many things i will always remember johnny now
i still say my lines when i shower and now i spend a little more time washing off the tears it was such a wonderful thing that God did i can't bear to see it end like this heaven must feel at least like this
serving God is exhilirating i want to serve God all my life
Friday, June 12, 2009
2:32 PM
my body is aching in various parts some of which i never knew existed they hurt when i move and i'm lovin it. lets me know im growing for those who havent seen me for a long time i've become this skinny dude small, unfit and in pixelised green running 9.03 for 2.4 at all out, salivating down my chest pace
apart from that i'm really quite tired out after work go rehearsal after rehearsal go home sleep wake up then rinse and repeat so took a half day off today would have left earlier but went to the mess to play pool now office nobody only got ghost
on another note i like my new earphones very fitting and quite clear the noise cancellation quite good also keep having ppl tap me on the shoulder cuz i really cldnt hear anything now got more personal touch at work
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
12:21 AM
equipped with the new uniform today i guess can speak abt it right since it's so widely publicized
doesnt feel as different as i thought it would i still cant feel the cool air when i blow onto it it is see through under light though
the most important thing i learnt though was in the pants some parts were designed to be anti-abrasion but others were not i guess there is some truth when i heard recruits now cannot use uniform to camo off cuz off the stitching that might scratch the face because wearing the old uniform i could do so without underpants but apparently with the new one some parts that weren't meant to get abrasions because constantly expanding and contracting parts heal slower got abrasions i must wear underpants
Sunday, May 31, 2009
12:40 AM
i was water baptised today
i used to think it was just a dunk notwithstanding all the symbolism that it was just an act, a declaration nothing more, nothing less
today walking to the pulpit sharing my life story taking the dunk
was magical very, very magical i regret not basking in it
the downside was that my mom was non-participating again and only a small group was there since they detached it from the main service meaning i couldn't share my story with more
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
10:22 PM
switch off that tv. switch off that tv! little clowns and little shades! weeping moms, scheming maids noble frowns and fancy braids and yellow sunflowers, that bumblebee!
fan me my brimstone! fear me now you opaque mirror rhyming words and further, further round and round my gypsy skips around dazed gnomes with elvish lips mine, mine, all mine!
stage a play and call me now call me home and call me kenneth call on me and i shall know i shall know that you haved called calling, calling, I'm calling now i have been called! but i have to call nothing but to call? call me home and call me kenneth
what a stage i am upon! where have all the actors gone? beyond the stars, between the moon - giggling, smirking, pointing. I laugh and they echo back or is that I that echoes back? hear me now you cheery sticks! hear my calling and my call which do i heed and whom to do I yield?
perhaps i have seen! that my call has led me to. through darkness and through night to bring them hope to bring them light in my stardust i can see but nothing, and nothing beyond me deep in the depths red eyes peep they chatter, they chatter to disturb my sleep; this sleep of mine whatever sleep this is.
i cross my arms but I lift my hands see me now, see me now for who i am.
a rubric's cube is in my hands. the myriad shifts, the spectrum goes. here i have, here i have! a jigsaw, unlikely it may be that came together! unlikely they were like. oh can't you see?
Friday, May 08, 2009
3:01 PM
my dear ran a 38.8 fever with me! same time kena the fever also then we both have sore throat headache and nausea. but i have joint pain and she's suspected to be turning into a flying pig because the swine flew
Friday, May 01, 2009
3:09 AM
i'm back from taiwan and even though there's no time difference i'm suffering from some jet lag can't get to sleep before 4
i think i lost my toothbrush on the way back come to think of it i haven't brushed my teeth for a few days now... i seem to be forgetting things moving abit slower lesser and lesser activity lesser and lesser health lesser and lesser spark in the eye
this blog is rotting like xb's foot im too lazy to put the chat box back up also i think i blog differently from last time im thinking of how to end this post properly but like cannot
Thursday, March 26, 2009
10:30 PM
My Officer's Creed
My duty is to lead, to excel, and to overcome It is not to coerce, to punish, or to ease my way My mission comes before my men But my men must come before me
I will be the first to enter the battle and I will be the last to leave it I am called to fight within the darkness But I will seek to bring light to it
I will be as impenetrable as night But I will strike as thunder I will respect everyone for who they are I must in humility, act
I am an officer I am not a slave master
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
10:53 PM
TAXI RANT i waited for a cab at 4.50 and about 30 cabs were changing shift, busy, or just ignored me at 5.06 i boarded a cab and realised surcharges start from 5 onwards nooooooo
Monday, March 16, 2009
6:13 AM
2 consecutive friday 13s have gone i have come away alive with 1 light sprain and 1 free subway sandwich voucher what bad luck i have
anw i just woke up from a 12 hour sleep i came home at 5 yesterday intending to do stuff but fell straight to sleep and just woke up v good catching up but gonna lose it all doing duty later
last week my room was invaded by a rat i came home to find 2 pieces of shit on my bed 2 on the floor 1 on my chair beside a puddle of piss my dad thought they were bugs so he picked them up and squeezed "mmm... really is rat shit " then as i was standing by my door the rat ran past my feet and into my room so i had to open the patio door to let it out in the process i shrieked and jumped up but that wasn't the point
Monday, February 16, 2009
12:17 PM
yesterday was happy birthday! and happy total defence day.
i planned to spend my birthday doing things that were very me but like all plans they always fail
my plans began to go awry from the start; i actually woke up way before 12pm like ard 7+ to reach PL mrt at 9 to settle some things following that, i recovered and did the typical thing and walked the longer way to the bus stop then lament at the hot weather for making me sweat so
things continued to go according to plan when i reached home and plopped myself on the couch things was still going well when i flipped through channels 32, 33 and 35 looking for some cartoon that i did watch which usually have la then i came upon double, back to back episodes of spongebob squarepants! however my plans crumbled before my eyes when i watched 2 episodes i never watched before
after that went to church and the bus actually came on time hur
left with my qiu qiu to go galvanise at our lao di fang then sang loud loud on my way home got home, lobo doing nothing then fall asleep too late
Saturday, February 14, 2009
12:42 AM
i went for rehearsals today for take my hand its err next friday!! and today was my first session we're doing things that require like kicking out at least 90 degrees to the side anyone who knows me long enough knows that i can't touch my toes when i saw the rehearsal programme like starts 2 weeks before the event i know it will all still turn out well because everything with god always turns out well ring ring i believe!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
9:11 PM
forced by circumstances (a.k.a. stadium closed) i undertook an ardous, reluctant long run it's been v v long since i last did one all my running has been speed, speed, speed
today my plan was to get myself lost then 20mins later, run home
it started off well enough i didn't dare run too fast and sure enough i began turning a darker shade of blue then i was prompted to include god in my run
and today, my run was exhilirating thrills ran through my body and soul pleasures coursed through my veins pain echoed in my legs fatigue thundered my lungs and i've come to truly acknowledge that all these are part of god's creation
there is the thirst, then there is the quench neither meaningful without the other that is why god said 'I am who I am' because that is most apt and that it most enjoyable
and through everything i discovered that I have been left dry for far too long i've left god out of my affairs and i've rung hollow in today's communion with god, i found that self that has been missing
i begin to see that we are called to live in accordance to his will in that we may not become one kind of christian but we may experience uniqueness by following his one law we do not end up as of one nature but of individuals, but in absolute freedom and in this we are not bound
in the same way as i ran and tried to get lost i always ended up heading home no matter how i turned or direct bashed i would come home and then i realised, that today, i really did come home
Saturday, January 10, 2009
1:46 AM
PAYDAYYY yay now im not peniless and no need to rely on ppl to return money which hansel hasnt done so need to hang pigs head alr but no money to buy pig head
3you 4jie 3you 2huan 4zai 4jie 3bu 2nan
owe $ pay $
Sunday, January 04, 2009
1:19 AM
i have a sudden craving for leopard crawls and fire and movement drills do until damn shagged curse myself for ever entertaining the thought then enjoying the rest of my current job then till i toy with crawling in mud again
Saturday, January 03, 2009
12:30 AM
yesterday which was 40mins ago (workday!) i learnt how to hit my cue ball straight how to score more foosball (fuus? fools? phoos?) goals i learned how to defend your air hockey goal better
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
8:17 PM
i'm brokkeee and ppl owe $ neh pay $ i must dispatch victor to splash paint hang his head no hang pig head on their door
i also dunno how the money disappeared must be the officer-to-be tag got to us when we were still cadets must act like occifer ma
Monday, December 29, 2008
4:58 AM
gah im awake im awake cant get to sleep thank god took first half day leave otherwise i'll be leaving home soon
uploading pictures onto facebook is a chore esp if it fails 2 times a row gahh 3 times gahhh then u realise u got 3 copies of some photos =(
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
12:47 PM
oh and to whoever still reads this (me) i tweaked some parts of this blog =)
12:19 PM
it's been very long since I last did this thing i guess probably no one sees this anymore... things have been happening but mostly unpublishable not cuz of explicit content but cuz now is still in the army i think its ok to say that i still have 11 months to go right, msd?
ok im not quite used to this anymore so i dunno how to go on i'll just end here this time maybe i'll blog more again soon
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
12:10 AM
1 more year to ord, o-r, o-r, d!
Sunday, September 07, 2008
12:56 PM
i gave up writing my army diary long ago there's nothing worth writing where i am, khing didnt come god came, but somehow stopped there waiting for the perfect time and hence i wait, too
Friday, August 08, 2008
9:48 PM
today, 8/8, i jumped at 8.08am, at exactly 8s past 8.08am.
at 080808, at 080808hours, i was not of this earth
Friday, June 20, 2008
7:25 PM
OH MY GOODNESS THANK YOU GODD LOGISTICCCSSSS
i must be the fittest log oct ever it's a miracle thank god
Saturday, June 07, 2008
1:06 AM
i finally booked out from field camp its supposedly the highlight of my current term so better days are ahead
in any case i cant blog anything abt it the last i heard someone blogged the name of the exercise then kena 01 x good one
what i can blog about is that i think someone up there is hearing me i think i can find myself again
it was the activity prior to field camp i stood there in the rain peering out from under the hood of my jacket and stared at the gloom of the canopy i wondered again where i was who i was when i was then i closed my eyes and said a little prayer
i stood there in the rain peering out from under the hood of my jacket and stared at the magnificence of the rain i watched as the gleaming droplets bounced off the leaves i saw again the beauty in all the creation i saw again the hands that crafted creation i saw and i was holding a saw =)
it all flashed past march03, july03, december03, april04, september05, december07 i felt the wetness of the rain on my pants i felt them wrapping uncomfortably around my legs i said this is discomfort i took a breath i savoured discomfort and that was discomfort that was a familiar process i think i can find me i think i am coming back
and i still thought so throughout field camp that is a familiar feeling i think khing will be back
Thursday, May 29, 2008
6:10 PM
i've just been reading some of my older entries i really miss the old me i cannot find that khing in the mirror nowadays i cannot see that spark in my eyes anymore
i remember bongard telling me that one training and it reverberated in me so strongly "you've lost that spark in your eyes" i was a failure then but i picked up again thereafter i know how i did it
i need god i need the love of my life to come back from china i need acx
i need all these things to fall into place i need the old khing to come back i need that arrogant confidence, the positiveness the strength but of course the looks have remained i still stun myself when i look in the mirror i wished i still could make more jokes like that like the old me would like the old me would say it isn't a joke i'm not so sure now
1:59 PM
booking out is such a rarity now things change very quickly when you're in the outside world for a limited period you book out after an endless stay in safti and you realise that there are many new things or many forgotten things out there such as new buildings realising that there are more than 20 females in the outside world and finding the voice behind ash of pokemon going through puberty
i've also forgotten how to style my hair how to take my time doing everything how to wake up late and why i wake up so freaking early
i've also forgotten who i was so i've opened the last 200 entries in my blog again bar the ones back at bigbloggybloodyblog.blogspot share me with me
Friday, May 23, 2008
6:27 PM
i dunno how to blog now
Sunday, May 04, 2008
2:54 PM
i never had a liking for premier institutes but here in this phase of my life i'm stuck at another after this i wish i can choose not to step into one they're very artificial, and i don't like it.
i've learnt where i am now to despise discipline and to resent teamwork. i have learned to fear unlearnt how to be brave thank god i still have kept my christianity but the institution has undone its very mission i hate it here
Sunday, March 23, 2008
9:21 PM
off to ocs tomorrow like kevin said is dunno whether to laugh or cry tomorrow we knock on the gates of hell and for 9 months we'll be burning burning
gahhhh help
Friday, March 14, 2008
1:24 PM
9 weeks
This is my flair; this is my flight In my horrid stare, beyond, a gruesome sight. I see I saw, I fled in fright. Tomorrow perhaps, I will still see light.
I'm meant to serve my tenure, But I am doing time Behind this mask, my phantom shines. To dawn and dusk my sleeves unfold Till long and last I build on gold.
Upon this rock I stand today. That lighthouse upon the cliff Perched in lofty haze. Through the clouds my love shines through To save me, from this wretched mess.
Across my chest this black metal thumps In unison my heart beats, Yet I run a slump. I cannot trust my charge, regrettably so. But then the saying, "you reap, you sow".
Still I remain in this prison trapped, A tranquil, a peace, a peace i seek. Calm my heart where from you hail, For i trust no longer, the longer i fear.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
1:16 AM
HERE'S THE VIDEO I LOVE AIZAT abit shaky and some parts cannot see but its alright aizat is still my hero
there's someone else videoing tho can someone pls pls pls identify him
in case you're wondering im the one on your right shorter in height
Monday, January 07, 2008
9:55 PM
results day very surprised our school did so well not surprised i did well though it was more than i deserved but it seems god has been good to me lately
that was happy
i shaved my head im bald
that was not happy
AIZAT VIDEOED OUR DANCE
that was very happy i love aizat
Thursday, January 03, 2008
1:43 AM
came back a few days ago from holiday went with parents, cousin n my woman to macau shenzhen n hk
basically was alot of rushed fun and essentially too long to rmb least of all to blog out much like the asean schs trip way way back in august which i have given up blogging much like the germany trip years ago
in a few short sentences i shall attempt to capture the trip in its outline
macau. as all things macau our 6 star hotel had a casino open to 18 year olds very eye opener cuz i've never been to one nor tried and still have not tried also was the indoor river + boats beautifulous
shenzhen. FREE catered by dad's contacts who saw the need to treat us to too much food all the time shopping was dismal until the discovery of the hidden pasar malam all hell broke loose within my wallet
hk. also dismal shopping till the discovery of pasar malam loose hell broke looser then also was ocean park it had the most vertical pirate ship and some really nauseating rides of which qiu n i tried only 5
the jellyfish aquarium was more fish then jelly cuz we saw tons of fish we never knew like hybrid shark sting ray seadragon and such and only one tiny, 30 by 20 cm tank of ipod nano sized jellyfish
we also got a video clip of two pandas climbing a tree and fighting on it also i saw first hand the workings of a panda's anus
Sunday, December 16, 2007
10:30 PM
just had church camp on tues-fri i still dont like games and into the first 2 days the games were wrecking camp for me...
i learnt that god's plans take time i have heard it before but never registered it has been preached before but because i have never experienced they remained just preaching to me i also learned a disdain for words preaching wouldnt work if they were just merely the words of a pastor there needs to be something more and on day 3 something more happened
the last camp was a disaster for me god dissipated from my life i no longer heard nor saw no longer felt nor thought about but life was successful everything was smooth i got more than i deserved so life was good but on day 3 the dissipation reversed and i realized how much even with a good life i missed god i cried my face out
is your life good today? can it get any better?
Sunday, December 02, 2007
6:44 PM
this morning i ran the stand chart 10k but the focus here isn't the race but rather what happened after i was completely wasted and feeling weak, cold and the bad feelings get-able it got worse and i thought i was gonna die of course that was far from what was happening the point is at that time it did feel so
and laying there almost motionless i wondered to myself what happens next some tears will be shed here and there i guess or hope, at least then i realised i wouldn't want any if i died, i wanted those who cried to know something
that i died happy i died doing what i loved to do and let tears cease to fall i'd pick dropping dead at 3 per k pace over dying in my sleep peacefully at 83
true, i ran myself to death but running made me live i learned so much from running and quite literally, running kept me alive my team mates kept me alive and so much more would have turned out badly if i never ran
i thought to myself as i laid there if i were to die someone should know this now you know
on another note my recent entries have been more like contemplative and reflective must be the result of reading the glass bead game and the lack of training with the team and being runaround idiots i will wake up for training
Saturday, December 01, 2007
1:40 PM
...as he saw it coming. A promise. All around him, voices rang high, sounding out a final anthem in deep nostalgia, as if their spirits looked long and hard over their shoulders. A few tears peeped out of the corners of eyes. The chorus reverberated once again, and it seemed the many voices entwined into one. There was a resonance. A resonance he did not share. A promise he took no part of.
His voice stood apart from the rest, staring listlessly as the myriad of colors twisted into a spire, dancing to the rhythm of fire. Embers swept across the hall with walls that changed colors, destroying the past, forging a future. But for him the destruction was a welcome one. Promise nothing to him.
Cherish, not cherish the lost. For him he felt no such longing. He treasured and rubbished according to his valuation of the things and people around him, not according to the possession of them.
Now onwards he holds his dreams. Into the distance his goals are blur, and others claim them vaguer still. But others were them who imposed their own beings on his own, who took a consensus to live the way that they have lived. He holds a jewel that no one sees in the palm of his hands, believing by faith that it will ever stay, and into the fog he will tread a path, he will take the road not taken... as he always saw it going.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
10:58 PM
yesterday was our anglo-chinese school (independent) international baccalaureate world school's pioneer batch's first ever, history-making prom night, very aptly held at marriot because there's a plaque outside it displaying the phrase "To God be the glory"
altho i've never been to no prom before i thought it was really good the food wasn't much to rave about though we ac eX country ppl + vishnu ended up eating swensens after the entire thing was over
regrettably i left my camera in the performers/councilors room upstairs and therefore have no pictures to show i only hope all the people who did take pictures with me put them up on facebook and tag it pls don be selfish and hog them lets all share the profits of selling my photos
sadly, forgetting to bring down the 2 cameras i brought meant that our performance wasnt recorded i tot we did ok but apparently most thought of us better the things i would do for a video of our performance it was the culmination of over 50hours of preparation since exams ended enough to complete the creativity hours section in cas i never thought it was gonna be fantastic even less so did feng but if everyone else thinks it was closer to that then that suits me fine
speaking of suits i think i was in the running for cheapest prom outfit gordan's doesnt count as an outfit
white shirt - tailored but free! asean schools one white pants - my sec2 prefect pants still fit me... i think it cost me $30? white shoes - bata dress shoes! no one could tell they were bata $60 white suit - $35 for tuesday to thursday i rented it from a costume rental shop... supposed to be a magician's jacket so kevin was saying if i forgot my dance moves i should just pull a pigeon or something out anw mom altered the suit for me =p she assured me it would hold but throughout the night i kept feeling the threads snap hur so i got fatter and fatter as the night wore on
on another note i always stood by my principle of non-obligatory helping meaning if you get someone to do something for you as a favour and the person doesnt deliver it's not his/her/its fault they were never obliged to help and i always held firmly to this but yesterday, under the mist of disappointment i let this value i always held, slip i am sorry that forgot this and i'm sure, though nothing was shown that i caused some ill feelings remember: no one is obliged to help unless the word "help" is used in a manner to put something nicely
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
11:55 PM
Recently i downgraded my family holiday, lost training time with my team for these final few months, and lost time to spend with my girl for something that did not have to be. It was avoidable, and I was prepared to do it alone and save time and trouble. I relented. I then had ideas imposed on me and have been very much disregarded and even though at one point I was in a way vindicated, the aforementioned pattern did not cease. Simply put, I was getting stick for being accomodating and doing my best to satisfy what I did not have to satisfy. One day it culminated and for since a very long time ago, i felt anger.
God has called for us as Christians to mellow our tempers, not just on the outside but on the inside as well. I decided, as such, to resolve and douse that inner fire. As things turned out, following this bitterness was an improvement. Things got very much better and I am happy. Perhaps not so if I had decided to claim my rights and unleash my anger. Afterall, I had good reason. I believe in never having to drop anger on anybody, regardless whether you're entitled to doing so or not.
Have you lost your temper today? Have you loved your enemy today?
Have you loved your neighbour today?
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
11:25 PM
today most people finish their As i on the other hand finished an rpg game heh
since ib ended i've been busier dancing 3 dances for xmas production dancing for prom dancing for camp training for stand chart training for beyond that reading books i wanted to read during ib getting rid of stuff i used to study for ib playing lots lots lots of games eating lots lots lots of rubbish
so there'll be more interesting entries coming up including that asean schs one back in august which is gonna be long to compensate for the long blogging absence
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
9:48 PM
eh today school's chinese karaoke again me only year6 very expectedly
long story cut short i got second again this time wasnt my voice but my err stage wind? tai feng. means never create enough the atmosphere la the champion guy bring gf on stage sia how to lose
and also was my lack of understanding of my song, gan lan shu. or olive tree. while i understand that it is an account of the songwriter's wandering ways and how it is for the birds, the streams and the grasslands i fail to catch the crux of the song which is why the songwriter constantly dreams of an olive tree and wanders because of this fictitious olive tree and then emo about his/her wandering ways
but in any case quite happy with the result i think its fine oh and this year they decided to pun the prizes
first prize air tickets second chicken essence and third chap teh
in chinese it'll be like ji piao ji jing ji mao or watever u call it sure got ji one. and how did they further this pun? they get two sec1s to dress up as chickens and run around like headless ones very amusing to watch indeed
well now that's over it's time to dance or something else that needs attention hmmmm. i b exam-ining this sudden hesitation
Saturday, October 20, 2007
12:44 AM
khing is gonna go army on 11/1 at 1pm school 1 @ pulau tekong
Sunday, October 14, 2007
8:18 PM
friday was the last day of school last lessons last recess last end of school all last time sit in class laugh work rot
on saturday morning i woke up and i stared into the blank ceiling and i thought to myself there's no more school there's finally no more school
i knew i never liked school but i never expected this sense of release i didnt know i was so tired of school
as experience will tell me and contrary to what others will i don think i'll come back to miss it again i cherish what i have and i will miss them before they end
there is no love loss between me and the school not the people i guess but the school generically
the cry of this generation and the cause of all the adolescent rebellion is that we are forced to grow up but are not treated as such much is expected of us and we have to live up to it and they justify it by calling us gentlemen and ladies but when it comes to treating us accordingly it comes down to pinpointing mistakes and then dropping expectations that they don't fulfill themselves
study is a crime. i am not a school person those who cannot contain this rapid growth become what we like to call - delinquents. or many of them at least
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
10:34 PM
10 October 2007 #cq4667 - 2329 Report on the 6.7 Cold War
Definition: (Cold War) A conflict between two groups due to air-conditioning.
Parties involved: Top right girls Bottom left guys
Battlefield: 6.7 Ephesus
Duration of conflict: Some months
Origins of conflict: (Geographical) Location of air-conditioning unit C of class 6.7 situated closer to TRG than BLG (Temperature Tolerance) TRG low tolerance for cold, BLG low tolerance for heat
Therefore air-conditioning unit C cools low-heat tolerance TRG more than high-heat threshold BLG. TRG freezing, BLG sweating. Allocative efficiency not achieved. MC not equals to AR. Dispute over whether air-conditioning should be on or off.
Nature of warfare Skirmishes: Alternate switching on or off of air-conditioning. Occasional guerilla warfare by attacking air-conditioning controls when the other party is not in class or having recess.
9 October 2007 Bilateral relations deteriorate. Stalemate at air-conditioning closet. TRG blocks off BLG's route to closet.
10 October 2007 Conflict resolved. Phantom peace keeping forces stuff one side of four sided air-conditioning facing TRG with toilet paper. Net cool wind from other three vents become stronger. Allocative efficiency is achieved.
Effects of war: Inside jokes.
Monday, September 03, 2007
1:37 PM
(refering to a picture of dharma 3 years ago)
seet: aye dharma last time damn slim ah now liddat khing: ppl just give birth la u give birth i see how slim u stay seet: eh my mother how steady so slim khing: dharma just gave birth la ur mom last time was like when seet: 6 years ago khing: ur youngest sibling 6 years old? seet: err no 8 khing: huh.
(seet stones) (seet looks jacked) (seet gives an awkward chuckle)
anw i came back from jakarta last last week shali no collating the pictures so will blog about that once the pictures arrive
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
11:39 PM
because rest feels best after work because water tastes best after a run because sitting down rocks after racing because peace in peaceful times is not appreciated
shit happens. otherwise no contrast.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
9:48 PM
i just watched my own 800m video and while its a great video and all with a great winner who has great style and all i found the audio amidst the distracting announcements quite interesting here is what i picked out:
[160m] victor: go khing!!
no surprise here considering only his voice can travel that far
[220m] victor: come on khing!!
again, no surprise
[230m] vishnu: the blue guy is... khing, right?
err... yah...
[234m] seet: of course la... aiyoh... {something something}
at this point there was silence no doubt seet must have said smtg stupid maybe like hu hu ha ha
[315m] vishnu: come on AC! [316m] victor: come on khing come on changming!! [318-400m] random dispersion of come on khing/ming/ac
[550m] ms.lee: come on keep close changming keep close!
no la jogging only never see my face contorted in pain
[603m] landdis: khing die already...
no wonder ming and i did well all his leg pain powers paid off
[690m] xide: GO KHING
[800m] seet: nice one la...
[a few seconds after finishing] someone: come on khing!!!!
Thursday, July 19, 2007
11:42 PM
and so came the end the final track finals
Shi Ronghua - 4:23:86 Kenneth Khing - 4:25:93
Khing: wa today ah all i wanted to do was for the first time whack you last part
Hua: wah u damn strong lah i damn scared last part u whack me
Khing: wah lau never whack u before eh
Hua: got what
Khing: when got. u tell me.
Hua thinks Hua ponders Hua tries to remember Hua wonders rinse and repeat
Hua: you wait ah i think first later sms u
till now it is 1 day 4hours no sms haha really never whack him before somemore kena whack 2 seconds it can only be ah hua
equation for the day:
P ( Khing is whacked in last 300m) = 1 x 10^(-148951984219842) P (Khing is whacked in last 300m, t > 1 second) = Shi Ronghua
Sunday, July 01, 2007
11:35 PM
im just back from church and i have to share ignore this if u will but it could just be for you
for a long while now i've been a lousy christian my faith has been left dangling twisting in the worldly air currents
but at the very least i knew i had to do smtg abt it i wanted to get back and i did try
i went to church and genuinely tried to feel god again i went through in my head what god had done for me in the past i even joined sp class hoping that that was the step i had to take so that i could hear and feel him again but for too many months or perhaps it has been a year it has all come to naught
but in his own way in his way that is sometimes irritating cuz it completely fools you things happen
dancing for god was for me just another way of saying dancing we dance for many reasons for fame, glory, expression of self dancing for god just dancing for god
i've attended the recent rehearsals dilligently which is actually a very me thing all i expected to do was just to do that short dance make sure i remember the steps do them well and do about 4 minutes worth of clubbing
the rehearsals however had something deeper in store for me the prayers we had were something different i finally felt a familiar tingle a nostalgic feeling a reminiscent tugging of the heart i felt again
today as i stood at the back of the hall bowing my head as always as the pastor asked for privacy for ppl to raise their hands to accept christ i had to for the first time lift my head because i was part of the production i saw for the first time in my life ppl raising their hands to accept jesus i had to cry i just had to cry
i always thought i didnt care abt whether ppl accepted christ or not but i realize it does deep down i always wanted to save my friends today i came to realize how much it means to me to see the ppl i care abt come to say 'jesus is my lord' today my family didnt come and there was a reason for that after the performance i didnt see them and i was very disappointed and that told me something it told me that what i thought was other ppl's reason to live is actually mine as well
it matters to me i now safely say it matters a hell lot to me or a heaven lot.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
1:51 PM
Hello world. recently i've been pretty busy amidst the gray adversity known as exams rehearsing for my church's event on sunday above is the trailer in which i played a part in although u can only see my face for .23 seconds i assure u the work was far more than 23 minutes
anw i usually don do this but i'll say its worth ur time so do come support it's at my church's err (for lack of better vocab) new campus at paya lebar directions ask from me or any friendly LTA henchmen at paya lebar mrt
as u can see i stretched my blog to accomodate the video and i shun bian changed the picture above which everybody complained cldnt be seen
Saturday, June 23, 2007
1:25 AM
Who Am I?
My name is KhingZhenZe Kenneth. My friends simply call me Khing. Acquaintances hardly pronounce it right. It is a "hing" with a "k".
I live a lie. To myself, and to everyone else. That is then.
I have grown onto the lie. Or the lie has grown onto me. The lie is now a truth. I live a truth. This is now.
I have friends. I have a girlfriend. I am my girlfriend's boyfriend. I do not have best friends. Nor do I have close friends. I have a family. I have brothers I never had.
To those I do not know; I am scary and unresponsive. To my brothers; I am different. To my girlfriend; I am her boyfriend. To runners around; I am many things - good and bad.
I do not crave attention. Nor do I lust after the tangible material. I seek admiration; fuel for the ego, for the self. I am a solo act. You can see from the things I excel at. I am a team player. My team is my all. You can see from the things I excel at. Some of them.
I like to walk through time. I believe time does not destroy. I know time resolves. I resent that I cannot walk back in time. But i rejoice that time cannot reverse.
I am a philosophical atheist in thinking, a Buddhist in self. But still I am a Christian. I spell God with a capital "G". My faith is firmly in Christ. "Faith is believing that which you cannot see". I believe against what I see. Believing that people walk mainly on hands. That is my value of faith.
I am a complex human. Just like everyone else is. I am no better than the next person. Nor the next person me. But I am better to the people who are better to me. Like the better boyfriend to my better girlfriend. I am Kenneth Khing. Or just plain Khing.
Monday, June 18, 2007
10:51 PM
yesterday was essentially a good day for me firstly, i took part in my first ever public 100m race although i wasnt first it was a first official timing for me add to the fact that i did not at first fall of the starting blocks made it even better because the first time i tried blocks i fell on my face literally so anw it was a good, and first, return of 11.9 which is not too shabby for a crosser
where am i going with all the firsts? of course, i did finish first somewhere sadly, it wasnt my first ok not sadly but happily it was my second win and it quite made my day cuz there were alot of last minute sign ups which included some rather fast ppl instead of the at first (hah!) dull lineup
and finally DE highlight of the day the other day tham gave me some unglam, unflattering and embarrassing pictures of vishnupriya d/o rajkumar of course, she gave me the thams up to splatter them on vish which i did and because it was so precious i must blog it in detail:
[Act 1 Scene 1] setting: black
{vishnu is seen engrossed in conversation}
enter Khing & Victor
{victor stands at a distance and smiles} {khing sneaks up behind vishnu, pictures in hand}
khing: {taps vish shoulder} vishnu: yes? khing: {places pictures infront of her face}
there is a long pause a storm looms silence... more silence... silent until sian...
vishnu: {screams, chases khing}
exit khing, vishnu
{victor stands at the distance and smiles}
[End of Act 1 Scene 1]
Monday, June 11, 2007
11:43 PM
if my tagboard is anything to go by there is the misconception that i have not been training i frown upon all u detractors
in a way i am like david beckham misunderstood, underrated and most importantly handsome
but while my faithful taggers are suck blood spit people -ing there is, a slight tinge of truth
just yesterday the magic quartet of kevin, xide, seet and i took part in the mr25 4x11.3k relay while kien mau n mok combined to beat us in their 2x22.6k runs with a 3 min deficit we nevertheless were victorious in our category
but the lack of saturday trainings as caijing has so kindly pointed out had taken its toll today i sit here ashamed that my once feared shoulder muscles and ripping back muscles are now aching from a long run
but i must point out that yesterday was a 10k pb and despite the lack of fitness my 800 is still not too shabby i am still fast my friends just as david beckham is still good and as well, handsome
perhaps for me it is puberty part2 where i will once again (pls pls pls pls) grow muscles faster (OH PLS MAKE IT TRUE) and grow taller again
of course the same cannot be said for beckham but if it is true it disturbs me
Monday, May 21, 2007
10:37 PM
today i drank too much water actually i didnt just that i didnt pee enough
and so it was a pee filled bladder i carried onto a people filled bus down traffic filled orchard road and i was only halfway there east coast was a good 40mins away
at this point the pee level in my bladder was really high like my height liddat (i assure you, that is quite some pee) but i persevered nonetheless
i alighted at my stop but did not bother to hold the pee till i touched home. recent enlightenment by timmy revealed that holding back pee for too long can result, as in his brother's case, kidney problems. also, i was held back by memories memories only 3 or 4 years back when i awoke on the bus only to find my dark blue pants an even darker shade of blue
thus i peed at the bee pee toilet ok it was mobil but bee pee sounded punny enough anw, it was a record pee from the point the pee left its holding area i had time to change track on my mp3 listen almost half the song used my hand (ONE free hand) to off it chuck it into my shirt pocket before the river ceased
bliss it was and satisfaction at another record fallen
Friday, May 18, 2007
10:30 PM
i've a sudden urge all of a sudden to suddenly talk about something that has caught me - suddenly.
recently i've been listening to quite a bit of my music recent, and not recent.
while i am not one who checks out the latest albums and what not i do check on my comp library re-check out my old tunes
and this impulse has led to some sort of temporal craze and therefore here is my all-time top 10
in order of merit,
Tisbury Lane (Mae)
The Magic Key (One-T)
Kuai Le Chong Bai (Wilber Pan)
Just To Be The Next To Be With You (Mr Big)
Call And Return (Hellogoodbye)
Tao Yan Hong Lou Meng (David Tao)
Save Tonight (Eagle Eyed Cherry)
Stuck (Stacie Orrico)
You Make Me Wanna (Blue)
Qia Zham (Some Hokkien Dude)
Monday, May 14, 2007
8:07 PM
recently fuiyi pointed out to me that im constantly carrying alot of stuff i have my ginormous bag that's bigger than me with the hweaking big attached shoe bag that sticks out and then i carry yet another shoe bag sometimes i have my jacket draped over my shoulder and of course there is my trusty mp3 player hanging around my neck with the cables dangling all over the place it is a perfect picture of a man on a mission my bag could very well be the sister doraemon pocket enabling me to whip out whatever i need whenever i need it perhaps that is the shoe bag's job; my bag is meant for me to sleep in my jacket is actually a well hidden multi-purpose suit it keeps out rain, wind and doesnt look stained even if u spill curry on it cuz its dark blue it keeps in heat, conceals my mp3 player and not forgetting holding back my ripping muscles =) what about my mp3 player? it plays music, man.
but underneath all that i wonder am i just physically burdened? tied down not merely just by my earphone's wires? why am i putting down the thing i enjoy most - training with my team for what i never appreciated, such as studying? afterall i do aspire to be a coach and it would do me no harm boosting my portfolio
my bag has grown; the books are more my shoe bag no longer hold my running shoes; they hold the slippers i wear to go straight home i do not need a jacket when i run; but when i throw it around my neck it reminds me of a strait jacket. and my mp3 player? it plays cool tunes, dude.
in the end though i am still me no one's forcing me to study; my parents have always adopted an indifferent attitude i guess it is down to my ego for very long now my ego has kept me going when my team is not involved. without it i'll probably be half as successful as i am now whether how much that remains is substantial or not, is for another day to discuss
but khing is still khing and khingky i will still be i will change, make no mistake stagnation is anti-maturity but search deep enough and you will still find khing
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
10:14 PM
sometime in the middle of january 2002 i was forced from track into cross-country to me it sounded like some lame cca of which i found very much contrary to in the weeks that followed it wrecked your legs and wasted them inflicted indescribable pain to your muscles tormented your lungs and twisted your nerves it wasnt lame. it made u lame.
bad jokes aside, i hated it there was no sense running your guts out putting them back in and running them all out again (rinse and repeat)
but time after time bongard forced me back it was a blatant use of terror like in chinese history where chiang had his white terror i trained on sheer fear alone but that fear would one day wear out it would one day not sustain this overwhelming pain that is cross-country soon, my fear disintegrated and in its place, something, and a false love for running
why false, one may ask? for one, i still dislike long runs i still want to quit when the going gets tough and i loathe perspiring
what was definite was that i wanted to train i looked forward to trainings i just wanted to be there
it took long enough for me to realize what that something was i came to realize that running did not take centre stage it was something else it was something that put the acX into acXperience it was somebody it was somebodies
it was my team it is my team it will always be my team.
in life, people often remark "time pass very fast lei" but somehow, it never was so for me it wasnt as if i had a tough life or anything i consider my life rather smooth sailing but somehow, everything was slow only acX sped things up and more than that, it saved my life it happened in july 2004 but that is another story for another time my upcoming baptism perhaps
it has been a magical 6 years through this journey down this road down this "path less taken" in a magic school bus
last wednesday our time for running cross-country came to an end but to this team we have no end as seet put it "we are the champions, my friend" not in the title sense though that would have been nice but in that we have come away from it all with the full acXperience - the pain, the euphoria, the depression, the joy, the laughs, the tears, the times, the team and the memories... they are all ours to keep
- to kevin ng you will always be the captain. my captain. you never had the chance to lead this team to victory, only agonizingly close far too many times. but that doesn't matter, it really doesn't. i have come to see that. you are my captain, and you have made it so. and that is enough. being jackasses, sadly or not, is perhaps the hallmark of our batch. perhaps we were not meant to win titles. but i cherish what we have, and i hold dear to my heart. i bid you love this team for as long as you know love, and between all of us, may that love come to something. something good that must come from love, no darkness.
-to low xide for the longest while, you've failed to believe. believe in something you couldn't do. you said to me that you're the little mixture of everything and that may well be true. but you have grit in abundance. a little more faith, a little more determination. i wish i had more of those. for years i've seen you, i see the same will emanating from you. but more than before, this season for you was unbelievable. yours is what mental strength is supposed to be, even if u do undermine yourself. unbelievable. but you didn't believe that as well. perhaps you rarely believe. but believe today, that this team will not fade away, weathered by time. believe, dear brother (that i never had), and make it so. it is ours to keep, more important it will be ours to make. the bells will only ring for he who believes, and i have believed. the ball, as they say, is in your court. ball. hah.
-to kenneth seet too many times, we wish there was an end task or a shut down to you. we longed to see not responding in brackets on your forehead. but all those were not meant to be. but in a wicked, sick and twisted sort of way, i'm glad they didn't. i remember a cross meeting that took place at the end of sec3 when you were still new, not irritating and somehow rather proper. what you said reverberated throughout my entire running career and always helped me to believe in what i was doing, kept me going and going with this team, forever etched in the depths of my heart. after a few weeks of training, you said "i feel there is a bond in this team that i never saw elsewhere before. it feels special and that's what keeps me going". perhaps that still keeps you going as it has kept me. i pray that it will bring us beyond where we are, and where we could possibly imagine. i pray i will not hit the cltr+alt+delete so rapidly when the time comes. but i probably will.
-to benjamin lee changming i felt that for some time now, you've been somewhat neglected. i dunno if you've felt it, but somehow i feel so. there wasn't reason to; both you and i know that we pwn kevin ng hands down at 800 and 1500 and that the taunting between us is the real deal. well perhaps it was down to quietness. there never was much noise coming from you. but somewhere somehow someway, at least, i began to sit up and take note. i don't know when it started, but i heard something. i recalled seb telling me that you were a fighter. not easy to see but it does come out when you take to running. i saw, and realized it was true. i began to hear something. something resonated in me. i still search for what it is, but i do know it is something we share in common and i can readily relate to. i want to relate to it and so to you. and hopefully this search will stretch way after i leave school and beyond the army camp (where you don't have to go).
-to victor tan you know how you've done so far in terms of running. and i'm sure you're not happy with it. but keep at it (though not too much) and eventually you'll get your top5. people may say you have no talent, but i want you to remember that i say talent is make believe. we make it because we believe, and so can you. apart from that, you do make a difference, running nats or not. you bring an extra quality to the team (like nipple bleeding) that is special and unique in itself. this is the same thing xide and i told you one training last year, and you must remember that. because after all, the great runners form not the team, for our team make great the runners.
-to sebastian koh one fine champion. one fine team. a strong bond. one single dream. i've always loved that poem you wrote. not just because of all the literary devices and what not, but for the fact that it epitomizes my feelings towards this team. it's yours to lead now as we leave and go. and i hope you will uphold the words in your poem and keep this team burning for very long to come. i am always afraid that we will take the ess(s)ence of acX with us as we leave, and it will be my greatest joy, if you can extend it to the future generations. it is all in your hands now, and i am sure it is in good hands. make it so, and where appropriate next season, make believe, and make belief come true.
for the rest whom i've not mentioned i do not know you enough to write something i really mean but hopefully come the years i can truly say that i am proud of u all this team we leave with you now must prosper in its own right and that may not come in the form of titles but should be in the way of that something something that perhaps no one really put into words and is really for you to feel and fathom
kennethkhing
Turning 20, almost 7300 days since 150289
From boonkengPAPkindergarten to acsjunior to acsindependent to acsindependentib to bmtJAGUAR to ocsEcho to ocsTango to schooloflogistics to (certain unit)
